my 5 cents

word to the wise

2009-06-03T14:49:00.002-06:00

Over the past couple of months I have been delving into the Proverbs, and as usual, I find myself wondering if I play the fool more than I play the wise man. For many years I have prayed that God would grant to me an ever increasing wisdom, not one of this world, but one from him. As I look back, I definitely see God's wisdom seeping into my life and I am happy that much growth in this area has occurred. Yet, I also see that I have a very long way to go.

This brings me to ask the question, "What is it about wisdom that makes me desire it so unceasingly?" I am not really sure (well, this is not completely true as you will find out if you continue to read), but here are a few thoughts. I guess it all stems from this conviction I have that wisdom is of the utmost importance for the follower of Jesus. So where does this conviction come from? The obvious answer is that God desires us to have his wisdom (as seen throughout scripture and in the life of Christ) so it stands to reason that someone trying to dedicate his life to becoming more like Jesus would experience this desire. So, why does God think wisdom is so important that it would be a major theme woven throughout the whole of scripture? What is it about wisdom that makes it an essential for the believer?

I think the best way to answer this question is to start from where there is a lack of wisdom and the consequences of such. I shall pick on Christians (yes, very general - but please play along) first. As a pastor I come face-to-face with the foolish decisions of Christians continually; consequently, I am forced to wonder upon what basis people make their choices. What constitutes a wise choice compared to a foolish one?I think the root problem is a confidence in our own thought processes and what we determine is best for us rather than a trust in God’s thoughts and what he determines is best for us. In Ephesians 5 Paul exhorts us to “live wisely” following an appeal to God’s people to imitate God himself. Jesus concludes his incredible sermon in Matthew by encouraging those who follow him to be “wise builders” who build their lives on his words. The result of a misplaced trust in ourselves is that we become fools and we become the products of destruction.

Perhaps the thing that frightens me the most is that I don’t want to be deceived. It is very natural then to pursue wisdom and discernment when I understand that our enemy’s main weapon is deceit. I do not want to buy into a lie. I do not want to give my energy and life to something that is not true. I do not want to fall prey to the enemy’s plan for destruction for my life. Therefore, I desperately want wisdom and discernment to be staples of my spiritual life.

When you think about it, the consequences of lacking wisdom and discernment are monumental – especially for those whose calling is to lead God’s people. I most certainly do not want to lead them astray in any way. Also, as a father, I cannot think of anything worse than imparting foolishness to my children and leaving a legacy of foolishness to my descendants. Yikes!

So how do we become wise? According to James we ask God. How does wisdom get lived out in our lives? By knowing God’s word and trusting it; by putting into practice what he teaches us; by trusting that God is good and knows what is best for us; by not leaning on our own understanding but in all our ways acknowledging him; and finally by seeking first the kingdom of God and dedicating our lives to becoming like Jesus.

Too many Christians do not trust that God knows the best way. We are constantly suspicious of what God teaches us in his word. We are too often we are unconcerned about what God wants and are completely absorbed with what we want. We are looking to fulfill our selfish desires rather than to instill God’s desires in our lives. The result… foolish people making foolish choices striving to get their own way and falling prey to father of lies who is bent of destroying them. It started in the garden with Eve as she was deceived into believing that God was holding back – that she should not trust that he knew what was best for her. It has continued to this day.

something is off

2006-12-08T15:03:00.000-07:00

“The sad truth is that too little difference exists, in terms of emotional and relational maturity, between God’s people inside the church and those outside who claim no relationship with Jesus Christ.” – Peter Scazzero (The Emotionally Healthy Church)

One of the things that I have been thinking about a lot these days is the reasons behind why people who are Christians have such dysfunctional relationships with both other Christians and the world. Shouldn’t there be a huge difference between the guy who has been regenerated by the Holy Spirit, has been given new life, and who desires to become like Jesus and the guy who could care less about the way of Christ? Shouldn’t those who claim to be followers of Jesus have major concerns over their lack of healthy relationships – the very essence of our faith (Jesus summed up the law and prophets with 2 essential relationships: “love God and love others”)? Something is terribly wrong, but where have we gone astray?

It seems to me that the main reason that the church looks no different from the world is because the main goals and interests that many Christians pursue are identical to the worlds. How many Christians have as the main goal of their short lives here on earth to actively pursue a Christ-like life and to bring honour to God in all that they do, say, think, and believe? How many Christians can say that their life here on earth is consumed by being an apprentice/disciple of Jesus and by the mission of Christ to this world? How many Christians say they believe in the horrors of hell and eternal damnation and that they believe they should love their neighbours as Christ commanded, but act like they could less that most of the people (i.e. neighbours) they run into everyday are going to hell? Why do so many Christian people spew hateful and judgemental statements that inflict hurt upon others?

I believe the answer to our generation’s relational and emotional dysfunctions are the same answers that Jesus had 2 thousand years ago and that the apostles bought into completely. Followers of Christ must be actively seeking to become more like Jesus in all areas of their lives and be actively seeking to engage their whole selves in his mission. Any other goal that takes precedence over this one will result in ineffective, unproductive, and impotent Christians who are known not for their Spirit-filled walk and relational and emotional maturity, but rather for their inability to have healthy relationships and the heart-rending inability to distinguish them from the world.

2006-11-19T15:55:00.001-07:00

jeamie's look-a-likes

2006-11-19T15:40:00.000-07:00

nyah look-a-likes

2006-11-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

silas look-a-likes

2006-11-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

a culture of safety

2006-09-04T22:37:00.000-06:00

I was thinking about why there seems to be such a "stay safe at all costs" mentality in the North American church and I could not help but wonder if our culture's high priority on safety has influenced the way Christians view their faith and the church, and consequently, how they live out their faith. I know there's a few authors out there who have written about this topic and have suggested some very good reasons for why we have ended up in this unfortunate and impotent position. Erwin McManus comes to mind as his books "The Barbarian Way" and "An Unstoppable Force" tackle this issue head on. Dallas Willard also mentions it a bit. Both authors were great reads and they challenged me about my own "safe gospel". I think it was McManus (correct me if I'm wrong) who said that Christians build church buildings in order to hide behind the walls in an attempt to stay safe from the world. Interesting thought...

Anyway, as I was thinking about the whole safety thing, I came to the realization that safety is a major value of our culture. If you have worked in construction or oil or any unionized work places, sometimes there is a real overkill on safety. Not that "staying safe" is wrong, but try questioning someone who's in a union about all the rules and you'll get an earful about how incredibly important it is for the next 10 minutes or so. I got one of those talks when I worked for Co-op in Regina when I wasn't wearing ear plugs one day to cut a piece of pipe. The cut took me a total of 10 minutes and 3 seconds - 3 seconds to cut the pipe and 10 minutes of someone yelling in my ear about how I could have seriously damaged my hearing. Kind of ironic that his voice was far louder than the saw... People are so crazy about safety they'll do just about anything to make sure it's enforced. It's like we're all brain washed or something.

How about all the rules we have for driving, or biking, or pretty much everything. You mean I'm supposed to wear a bicycle helmet if I want to ride my bike (which, by the way, I have been doing quite safely for the past 30 years or so without a helmet)? Now I've even heard that schools are refusing to fail kids because it might not be safe for their self-esteem... give me a break! I can't think of a better way to set someone up for failure than pretending that they can't fail... silliness. It's like raising a bunch of mice to believe that cats can't hurt them if they cover their eyes and letting them out into the world. Who comes up with these safety ideas? Sometimes I think there is an ultimate over-protective mother on steroids somewhere in the government in a super secret position whose sole purpose is to come up with new ways to protect her little Jimmy.

I think this over-emphasized value on safety is responsible (in part) for the boredom of our young men. Men are built with an inherent need for risk. That is why, as our culture's value on safety takes away the risks in our lives, the need for risk drives us to find it in other areas of our lives. Extreme sports, paintball, kids doing crazy stuff on bikes and skate boards and snowboards, the increase in drug usage, etc are all products of a culture inundated with the message "be safe". Not to mention this new generation's fascination with card games such as Texas Hold'em where the stakes are high and the rush is exhilarating. I think the whole safety thing is a product of the feminization of our culture - but that's for another blog, not today's blog!

The point of this little blog is that I believe this cultural value has crept into the Church and has affected the way Christians live, and it became very evident on my return from Peru where safety is most definitely not a cultural value. Our lives are defined by the risks we have ducked or talked ourselves out of, rather than the risks we have boldly taken in the name of our Master. The problem is that "safety" is not a value expressed by Christ or his followers; in fact, the exact opposite is true. The follower of Christ follows a dangerous path that may cost him his life; in fact, Jesus promised that those who are serious about following him will face persecution (see John 15).

I end this blog with the words from a man whose gospel was as dangerous as it gets…

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels." - Mark 8:34-38

the gospel of safety

2006-08-31T22:13:00.000-06:00

It's been an incredibly busy summer, and unfortunately busyness usually means a lack of contemplation about life and spirituality; ergo, my lack of blogging this summer. It's really quite a waste, you know, to have such a busy summer that is so full of great things and God moments if one does not stop and let what God has done in one's heart and life sink in. Without contemplation God's work in our life often goes unnoticed or unheeded and even if we have stopped long enough to recognize God's work in our lives, it is simply forgotten shortly after. Growth in one's spirituality and relationship with God does not mature without contemplation; therefore, I hope to tell you all about my summer (or lack thereof due to my busy schedule) including my sacred journey (a.k.a. missions trip) to Peru and what God has been doing in my life lately.

However, that will be for future blogs and not in this particular blog! Once I receive the pictures from our journey I will fill y'all in on the details. For this particular post, I would like to talk about the Gospel of Safety.

I think that Christians in general (not all, but pretty much all) have adopted a "safe gospel". We create all these unwritten rules that keep us from being "unstained by the world" but all they really are is a way to keep us from getting our hands dirty doing the work that God intends his church to be doing. Now don't get me wrong, I agree whole-heartedly with James that we should make every effort to remain unstained; however, the problems lies not in our attempts to remain unstained by the world, but rather in our complete retreat from it. This seems to be what we do. When we see a potential risk we make rules to minimize the risk; consequently, the rules that minimize the risk end up becoming the standards we live by and what we try and force others to live by. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Hmmmmm... something about fence laws and Pharisees rings a bell...

For example, if a couple of guys were to excitedly tell you how they had spent the last week sharing the gospel to everyone they could at every bar they could find, what would your first reaction be? If a couple of guys came up to you bubbling with excitement because of how they had shared the gospel with almost every prostitute in town and how God had worked through them, what would your reaction be? Would your first thought be caution, or "praise God!"? Now for the kicker... this kinda reminds me of a guy who lived 2000 years ago named Jesus... ouch. Jesus' gospel was as far away from safe as you can get.

Shouldn't the gospel be dangerous? Shouldn't the Christian life be characterized by the awe-inspiring presence and the light of Christ in a dark and needy world instead of a seemly complete lack of his presence, confusion about who we are, and unfulfillment? Shouldn't our focus be on the lost instead of on the saved? Shouldn't we be more concerned about the fact that there are thousands of people within close proximity of every Christian who are on the road to destruction and eternal death than whether we stay "unstained" by the world or whether we have one more fun event simply for our entertainment? Or, better yet, maybe we who call ourselves Christians should stop putting ourselves first and start putting the needs of others first. Can you imagine what would happen then?

I think that if a Christian wants to live a full life - one that is truly satisfying and fulfilling - he must live on the edge of the gospel at all times. Living with a safe gospel will breed discontent, selfishness, and a dead or dying faith, but living with a dangerous gospel - one that invites us to step out in faith (oooh, but that's so risky!) - is what keeps our faith vibrant and alive.

Perhaps what most of us have missed in all of this is that in order to remain unstained by the world one must actually be in it first, otherwise there is no reason for James to make the statement at all. If you are not sure about all this, I have a couple of books about a guy who lived life with a dangerous gospel that might convince you further. You might have heard of them before. I think the titles and authors are Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Look into it, they're a great read!

a simple omission or an extremely serious offence?

2006-06-14T15:08:00.000-06:00

So, again my blogging is about as consistent as the weather in Alberta, but I have to say that a lot of the things I have been going through lately have not been the "public web log" types of things. Unfortunately, all the things I was going to write about my study of the gospels have now slipped into the oblivion known as the recesses of my mind - quite inaccessible unless inadvertently triggered.

So, it's on to new stuff. I have been reading/studying the book of Isaiah with a couple of friends and it has been very enlightening. Isaiah is one of my favourite books and I have enjoyed a few journeys into this incredible prophet's writings. This time through I have once again been impressed with how much I am able to learn even though I am already very familiar with this book.

I have already commented on a blog about some of the things that have stood out beginning with chapter 2 where Isaiah introduces the main theme of the book "stop trusting in man who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?" There have been many others and I hope to catch up with some of them on my blog before they too slip into oblivion.

I would like to comment about an overall observation of the first 39 chapters. I have always considered Isaiah to be a book that highlighted a myriad of sins that God was judging the nations for - including Israel. However, I have realized that although this partially true, the sins that God is most concerned about keep resurfacing. For the foreign nations, it seems that their idol worship and poor treatment of other nations seems to be at the forefront of their many sins and the reason for their judgement. However, for Israel one sin in particular seems to really push God's "wrath button". This sin is something that I had previously not considered a sin (or at least had not thought about it being sinful), and it is the sin of simply not trusting God. Over and over God's judgement upon Israel is the result of Israel misplacing their trust.

This got me a little concerned, and really got me wondering what was so terrible about misplaced trust. At first glance it hardly seems like the kind of transgression that would warrant the destruction of an entire nation and exile for the remaining people. What is it that makes God go nuts about not trusting him?

Then it dawned on me. Misplaced trust, including self-reliance and trusting in man-made structures and rules, is a breach of the first commandment - "you shall have no other gods before me". Putting your trust in anything except God is putting something or someone before him, and in essence placing your trust or faith in that person or thing is putting another god before the only true and Living God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. A grievous sin indeed!

This is very scary. How often do we trust in ourselves and in other things or people rather than God? How often do we break the first commandment without even a second thought? This has definitely put into perspective how not trusting God is more than a simple omission in God’s books and deserves more than a few moments of superficial lip service on our part. Perhaps we should take this sin more seriously – especially since it seems to be the main reason for God’s wrath against Israel and the reason for his judgement upon them.

one smart dude

2006-05-16T16:48:00.000-06:00

Before reading this post, decide who you think was the most brilliant man to ever live.

Adventures in the Gospels...
Another one of those things that stood out in my most recent foray into the gospels was the absolute brilliance of Jesus. It was actually first brought to my attention in Dallas Willard's The Divine Conspiracy. Willard pointed out that we rarely see Jesus in the light of intellectual brilliance; in fact, it is very rare for anyone to answer the question posed at the beginning of this post with "Jesus" (unless you are in Sunday School - ha ha). When you look at how Jesus continually responded to the Pharisees and Scribes who were constantly trying to trip him up with devious questions, it is pretty amazing that in every situation Jesus was able to not only answer their questions with wisdom, but also to turn their questions into embarrassing moments. Every time Jesus would recognize the trap and reverse it leaving the Pharisees speechless as they were stumped again and again by Jesus' smartitude.

But then I got to thinking... maybe Jesus wasn't brilliant. Maybe his intelligence was nothing special, just like his appearance was not. Maybe this incredible ability to out-think his opponents and see their motives clearly was simply the result of a man who fully relied on God rather than on his natural abilities. I think that we see in Jesus a brilliance that far surpassed that of even the most intelligent human in our history because it was simply God's wisdom being displayed in a man whose trust was completely in God. So was Jesus really brilliant... in intelligence? Maybe, but more likely it was his reliance on God that made him shine.

jesus and the oilers

2006-04-30T08:51:00.000-06:00

Adventures in the Gospels...
Well, I already know what you're thinking. You are wondering what Jesus has to do with the Oilers. Well, let me enlighten you, if I may, with another theme that stands out in the life of Christ. I think that if Jesus was around today he would be an Oiler fan.

"Why", you ask, "would he cheer for Edmonton? They are the 8th place team in a league of superior talent and ability. Why would Jesus cheer for a team that has little or no chance of winning the cup?"

My answer, of course, is one that reflects the life of Jesus. You see Jesus was all about the underdog. His heart beat for the down-and-out; the oppressed and depressed; the sick and the grieving; the poor and needy. His life was given completely and unashamedly to the underdog. He chose 12 uneducated and lower-class guys who would be considered by most to be a waste of energy. He hung out with the "scum" of society. He claimed that his mission and message was good news to the poor and oppressed. He constantly put himself or allowed himself to be put into situations that the "righteous" people would have cringed at and run away from (thus the parable of the good underdog - a.k.a. the good Samaritan). He chose to spend his time with the sick and irreligious for it was they who needed a doctor and saving, not the healthy and the righteous. When describing his mission to earth, Jesus put it like this in the Gospel of Luke:
17The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:
18"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
19to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
20Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, 21and he began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing."

And we must not forget that Jesus himself chose the role of the underdog as well. He did not come in a great flashy display of power and glory, but rather humbled himself and became nothing taking on the roll of a servant - seeing others as better than himself. And thus, it is our place as Christians to also be the underdog and to look out for the underdog and to see others as better than ourselves. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 1:26-31:
26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

Unfortunately, in North America, we would be hard-pressed to see the church as the underdog nor do we seem to want to be the underdog; in fact, it appears as though the opposite is true. Perhaps it is the natural condition of those who live in affluence. Perhaps it is simply that like the religious people of Jesus' day, we actually consider ourselves to be better than others instead of the other way around. Perhaps it is our insistence upon a worldly view of success that also colors the way we do church. Perhaps – perhaps not. Whatever it is, it is definitely not a desire to be the humble underdog. Perhaps we should examine our need to be the "winner" or the "best" or the "brightest", for it appears that Jesus did not think this way.

is jesus backwards?

2006-04-28T13:43:00.000-06:00

Adventures in the Gospels...
One of the things that really sticks out about Jesus is the oddity of some of his statements. He says stuff like "the first shall be the last", "love your enemies", "blessed are the poor", "blessed are those who mourn", "blessed are those who are persecuted for my sake", "if you do not hate your mother, brothers, etc, you are not worthy of me", "I did not come to bring peace, but a sword", "Get behind me Satan [Peter]", "unless you eat my flesh and drink my blood, you have no life in you", and multiple others that you may or may not be familiar with.

It would appear at first glance that Jesus was a little backwards. After all, everyone knows that it is the rich who are blessed and those who have lots, is it not? And we all know that he who is first is the one who wins, is at the top, and receives all the glory of success. Of course we also know that loving one's enemies is ridiculous and rather presumptuous, is it not? And it is the happy who are blessed. That is just common sense... or is it?

I think if we were to be totally honest, and investigated not what we say we believe, but what our lives reveal about what we really believe, we would gravitate towards the second paragraph of this post. After all, isn't this the way we live our lives even though we say we believe Jesus? Even our definitions of success and strength follow that of the world instead of Jesus. We build glorious empires and set our hearts on achieving measurable goals and bottom lines. God builds a kingdom that is invisible and immeasurable and places the greatest emphasis on the fruit in your life that cannot be seen or measured by man. We surround ourselves with Christianly type people and people of good reputation and character and have "fellowship" together while looking down in fear and disgust and suspicion at those who hang out with the derelicts of society. God chose to hang out with sinners and prostitutes, and tax collectors (the lowest scum of society) and verbally bashed the religious people who thought he should hang out with them. We try everything in our power to save ourselves and our own lives. God gave up his life so he could save us. We use every opportunity to indulge ourselves in our consumer-like desire for pleasure and happiness and to make ourselves feel better about ourselves. God denied himself, picked up a cross, and walked the agonizing road to a torturous death. We find ourselves following role models in our lives that major in human achievement and glory. God sent a role model that said crazy backwards stuff, lost all of his followers, was betrayed by one of his closest friends, and was murdered for crimes that he did not commit. It almost sounds pathetic... almost.

Doesn't this stuff sound awful? I cringe myself when I read it, and yet if we stick to the worldly definition of success (which is the one we actually live by), we must admit that Jesus' life appeared to be a failure and that he was completely backwards in his teaching. Does this not scare you silly?

Have we gotten so far away from who God really is that we have created our own god in his place that we follow? Have we lost the sense of complete and utter humbleness and surrender that was displayed in the life of Christ and replaced it with a worldly desire for success? Have we embraced a life that views Jesus' teachings as backward and irrelevant?

What scares me the most is seeing Jesus' teachings as "odd" and "backwards". And yet, this is our reality. One of the things that has come up over and over again while teaching from the sermon on the mount at our youth service is that the teens (and leaders) often struggle with the fact that sometimes the teaching sounds backwards compared to their reality.

How can we get back on track? How can we once again get to the point where we embrace a life that sees the world as upside-down instead God? I think the answer is very simple: by becoming apprentices of Jesus and treating him as our master - by modeling our lives after our Master's (loving others as he loved us and loving God like Jesus did) and by becoming a prayerfully dependant people (like Jesus was).

jesus and his father

2006-04-27T15:38:00.000-06:00

Adventures in the Gospels...
One of the most amazing things about Jesus was his faith. Here we have the Son of God - the God Man - God in the flesh - sustaining a relationship of complete reliance upon his Father that is mind-boggling. If anyone who has walked this planet would have been able to get by on his own strength and self-reliance, it would have been Jesus. But this was not case; rather it was Jesus who set the example of complete humble obedience and full reliance upon God for everything.

Jesus never seemed to worry about worldly things; in fact, the only time we are told of him being greatly stressed was just before his death in the garden of Gethsemene. In Jesus we find the perfect example of how to view the things of this earth. In essence I believe that this is simply "having the mind of Christ". And we today are called to have the mind of Christ. We are to view the things of this earth in the same manner as did Jesus.

Matthew 6
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

jesus and me

2006-04-26T09:23:00.000-06:00

I have been reflecting on the life of Jesus quite a bit over the past few months and it has been really amazing what God has shown me. It all started with the desire to teach our teens the incredible truths found in Jesus' Sermon on the Mount. This desire led me to start studying Jesus and his message more in-depth than I ever have before. I began by studying the sermon found in Matthew 5-7, but found myself wanting to go beyond this and look at the big picture of Jesus' life and ministry; consequently, I began a journey of reading through the 4 gospels of our New Testament with the intention of focusing all my energies on Jesus. Also, during this period, God led me to read a book that was probably the best Christian book I have ever read called "The Divine Conspiracy". When I started reading it, I had no idea that it's main focus was the Sermon on the Mount, so I was very pleasantly surprised when Dallas Willard (the author) launched into an incredible and revealing study of Jesus' message.

I have to say that I have learned so much about Jesus in this study over the past few months, but unfortunately, I have not written about it until now. This means that I have already forgotten much of what God taught me. However, not all is lost and my blog is a good place to start writing down these truths. Thus, over the next few blogs, I will be writing about some of the things I have learned and/or that stood out to me over the course of the last few months.

For today's post, I want to highlight something that didn't start with my study, but rather helped inspire me to study Jesus in the first place. As odd as it may sound, it was my present age (33) that got me thinking. You are probably saying "man, it doesn't take much for you to get thinking, does it?" And, of course, you would be right. Thinking is one of my most enjoyable activities, and yes, I know. I am a nerd (that was for Jeamie).

Why 33, you ask? Well, 33 was the age of Jesus when his 3 years of physical ministry ended on our planet. As I launched into studying the life of Jesus, I was very aware of this, and it added to my sense of wonder as I saw the incredible ministry he had. His wisdom, his authority, his aura, his power, his presence, his compassion, his message, his love, his story-telling, his relational prowess, his sensitivity to the Spirit, his humility, his servant-like attitude, his puzzling statements, his everything simply amazed me for a 33 year old man. The respect that was shown for his teaching at such a young age was unheard of - especially to a 1st century Jew. Even as a boy of 12 years old he astounded the teachers of the law through the depth of his understanding and knowledge. To say the least, Jesus was simply an amazing person.

Since ministry is also my vocation, I see in Jesus the ultimate Pastor. He not only showed us how to live life as his followers, but also how to effectively minister to other people. As a Pastor, I cannot help but want to model my personal ministry after the one and only true master of pastoral/personal ministry. I think sometimes we forget this - that Jesus is the only master and that we are always and ultimately apprenticing under him. It is truly inspiring to see Jesus in this light.

Although there is much more to say about how my age has played a factor in my recent study of Jesus, I will skip over most of it for the sake of brevity (which most likely has already been lost in a mirade of words) and boredom (on your part, of course) and I will simply end with the statement that it has affected me very deeply. It was the thought of the Easter weekend that really tugged at my heart. This was the end of Jesus' ministry (at least in one form) - and it ended very badly for him personally... but this will be the focus of my next blog, so I won't get too ahead of myself.

Symptoms of Self-Reliance

2006-04-24T10:37:00.000-06:00

I have to say that my last blog was quite poorly written as it was very hard to understand what I was actually trying to communicate. Apparently 2 months off from blogging has caused a deterioration of my writing skills. Perhaps I can add a wee bit of clarity.

I think the most telling indicators of our self-reliance is our prayer lives, our emphasis on our own human efforts, our irresistible desire to manipulate others in an attempt to get what we want instead of asking what God wants, and of course, worry and anxiety. All 4 of these things tell us a story that should sound the alarm bells in our heads and in our hearts.

Prayer is the first indicator. Since I have struggled with this one a lot in my own life, I am very familiar with how it reflects our self-reliance. If I am relying on God, it will very naturally be reflected in my prayer life in both quantity and attitude. In quantity by how often I am going to God and pouring out my heart to him, how often I am taking time to seek him and his will, and how often I am making sure that whatever I do, it is firstly bathed in prayer. In attitude in that my prayer is truly about seeking God’s will instead of my own, my prayer is not simply done out of duty or obligation (although at times this may be ok – but if it continues, it is more likely an indicator of self-reliance), and my prayer is intentionally prayed through the Spirit (Paul says we are to “pray in the Spirit at all times”).

Prayer is a major indicator of our self-reliance and I think a vast majority of Christians would already find themselves in the self-reliant category after the first indicator. If we truly rely on God like many of us (or maybe all of us) claim, then our prayer lives will reflect that truth in our lives.

The second indicator is our emphasis on human effort. I have found that this is another over-whelming indicator that we in North America really do not understand what it means to rely on God. One of the most telling statistics of this is Christian burnout. I have talked to so many people who have lost their passion for God’s work simply because so much was expected of them by their local church and/or church people. Eventually, they simply stopped serving. This is happening more and more; in fact, it is becoming an epidemic here in North America. I recently read an article in our district news letter that stated that 2/3 of believers in Canada no longer attend a local church (as we think of the word “church”). Why is this and how are we not more aware of this? Perhaps people are becoming disillusioned with the emphasis many churches are placing on human effort.

Youth ministry is a big killer here (or perhaps offender?). Do you know that the average youth worker lasts only 18 months? Why is this? What is so demanding about youth work that our youth workers (both paid and volunteer) are dropping out like flies? And even more importantly, why are people continually putting more and more pressure on these workers – especially if they already know that they are responsible for burning them out? You would think someone with the heart of Christ would treat people a whole lot differently.

And how about an issue we can all relate to - money. Why is it that when there is a lot of money needed, people immediately begin to panic? “We had better get going or we’ll never raise all that money” or “we had better preach more on tithing or we’ll never get what we need” are the common phrases that get tossed around the moment after one responds to the statement “God will provide” with “yes, of course, I know that!” Obviously there is a major disconnect there. We have absolutely no need to panic or worry (read matt 6:25-34) when we have given control to God. Panic and worry, however, are inevitable when we try to rely on ourselves or other people for the outcome that only God can actually control. If human effort is your emphasis, then you have just seen red flag number 2 in your life.

The third indicator is really all about “self” and our own self interests. I have found that the last question most people are asking is “what does God want?” This is very disturbing. The constant push is for what “I” want or, particularly in my business, what do the teens and/or parents want? (Ah yes, our consumer roots controlling the way we do church). Although these are very valid questions, a person who is relying on God will always ask these other questions after they have already sought the answer to the question "what does God want?" If they have not, it is very likely that they have not even considered what God wants and are simply relying on their own understanding and their own opinions of what should or should not happen. God’s desires get pushed aside so that we can get our way. In the end our needs become the focal point instead of what God wants.

Also, in regards to this third indicator, our tendency seems to be to “poll” everyone else first and only ask God what he wants as a last resort. I find this to be very frustrating and another indication of self-reliance or trusting in man. I think in many cases Christians don’t even ask God; instead they go to weak human resources and frail human opinions and beliefs for their answers. Why not go to God and his word first? If we are truly relying on him in action instead of just lip service, then why do we not seek first the kingdom of God? Then, once God has revealed to us what he wants, we can go and ask others and weigh their thoughts and attitudes with what God wants. Doesn’t this course of action make sense if we say that we are relying on God? Red flag number 3 of self-reliance is our self-interests coming before God’s interests.

The fourth indicator is worry. Worry is a symptom of misplaced trust - i.e. trust in man rather than God. It is an indicator that we are not seeking first the kingdom of God, but rather the kingdom of this world as our minds become consumed by the pressures, concerns, and things of this world. Jesus says in Matthew 6 that worry is not a part of the life of a kingdom subject; however, it is an intricate part of the life of this world. Those who belong to God have no reason to worry unless their focus is on the temporal and their hearts are consumed with the need to control circumstances and people and/or get stuff. Of course, the more stuff we accumulate the more we worry about it, and the more things that we try to control that are actually not in the circle of our control the more we worry about them. And the more we worry the more we become consumed with ourselves, and the more we become consumed with ourselves the less we become consumed with God and his kingdom. It's a vicious cycle, really. Thus we have the 4th red flag of self-reliance - worry.

Well, this has already turned into another long blog so I will stop here. Hopefully my thoughts are now a little clearer.

Relying on God

2006-04-21T14:50:00.000-06:00

Wow... has it really been 2 months since my last blog? Ouch! I suppose that no one ever checks it anymore now, but that's okay. The main reason I started blogging was to write my thoughts down somewhere so that I would not completely lose them once they left my head. One of the reasons that I have not been blogging lately is that many of my thoughts have been more specifically about our church and what we need to learn and where we need to go and what we need to do in regards to God and his Kingdom. I cannot communicate all of these thoughts on a public site because it would be unfair of me to do so. However, I think there are a few things that have been on my mind a lot lately that I can blog about... so here goes! Oh ya, the other reasons I have not been blogging are that my nights have been filled with other things like church stuff, family stuff, etc - and of course, I have not felt that burning desire to write lately. Perhaps this will change... who knows?

It would appear from this blog that I am simply continuing along the same lines of thought that I communicated a couple of months ago - and that would be a correct assumption in part. I guess more accurately, it would be a return to a similar line of thought that God has most recently put on my heart – reliance on Him. What does it mean to rely on God and what does that look like in a person’s life?

I have come to a realization over the past few years and especially in the past few months that we here in North America have deceived ourselves into thinking that we know what it means to rely on God and that we actually live this out in our lives. God has exposed our weakness over and over again to me in the last little while and it all began with him exposing it in my own life.

Like most of you I have often shook my head in disbelief at Israel’s continual misplaced reliance on men and the things of men rather than on God. It was a continual cycle of putting their trust in their walled cities, their armies, their horses and chariots, their kings, their friendly neighbours, own strategies and governing structures, their wealth, foreign gods, foreign aide, foreign whatever – you name it, they put their trust in it. I have said this before in a previous blog, but I will say it again. It seems they were willing to put their trust in anything and everything except God. Have you ever wondered why that happened over and over again? Have you ever wondered what would make a nation whose God was so powerful and so incredible in every way avoid trusting him like the plague? Have you ever wondered whether this was simply an inherently bad characteristic of the Jewish people before the coming of the Messiah, or if it was something that is common to all people at all times?

If you have asked these questions, you are not alone. Even more puzzling to me at times has been God’s patient granting of requests that were obvious attempts to avoid having to rely on him. It began with God granting the people’s request for a king. If you read the books of Judges and 1 Samuel, you will see that the people did not even own weapons. God ruled them as their king and was fully relied upon for protection and governing. After a king, they wanted walled cities, then armies, then chariots, and so on (or perhaps with a king came walled cities, armies, chariots, etc.). In any case God continued to provide these things that gradually aided in the people putting their trust in the gifts rather than in the giver. Yet in each case, God would simply call the people to repent of their sinful ways (in essence, not relying on him) by calling attention to the weakness of what men thought to be strength. The people would not listen; God would send punishment; the people would cry out for a deliverer; God would send a deliverer; the people would throw off the oppressors yoke only to once again place their trust in man and manmade things. Quite pathetic.

I remind us of this story for one reason – I think we do the same thing. I think that God is getting fed up with our self-reliance and misplaced trust. Instead of a king, we idolize our pastors by putting them on a pedestal and going to them for help even before we go to God. Instead of walled cities we have programs and structures that we rely on instead of God. Instead of military might, we rely on our own competence and abilities to protect us and/or get the job done. Instead of kingly treasuries we have church budgets and marketing schemes to help provide for and manage our financial needs and goals – not to mention our misplaced trust in “tithers” to provide for us instead of God. It really is quite pathetic.

When are we going to wake up and start putting our trust in God and him ALONE? You may be sitting in your chair right now in complete disagreement or complete confusion. In either case it is probably because my words seem to inadequately convey my thoughts. However, it is amazing to me how I could have been so blind to this for so long as I placed almost all of my reliance in myself and the structures and people around me and yet did not recognize it for what it was. And this seems to be our biggest problem – we simply don’t realize that our reliance is not on God because we constantly justify our misplaced trust by saying little clichés and bumper sticker type slogans that convince us otherwise. We then immediately go and try and do whatever it is on our own and any thoughts of relying on God are left in the dust of our attempt to “do our part”. “Our part” of course being another way of disguising our inability to rely on God (not that we do not have a part, for of course we do – the problem lies in the misconception that we have to work hard enough ourselves so that we “deserve” God’s provision… unfortunately, this line of thought also enters into the way we approach our salvation, but that will have to be for another time).

It is scary to see people’s reaction when I start questioning the validity of programming and structures. The immediate response is “we need them” followed by a sense of panic about the possibility of not having them. Do we really need them? Why? Is Christ not capable of building his church without modern day programming? Is Jesus unable to help us become disciples of Christ without our current structures and programs? Is programming what we need, or is Jesus what we need? Do we need more structure, or do we need more of God?

Now perhaps these questions are a little unfair, for it is possible to have both – at least in theory. However, need I remind you of our inevitable and irresistible urge to rely on ourselves instead of God? If history teaches us anything, we must admit that we can pretty well predict the outcome. Eventually, we will start relying on the programs and the other human things instead of God. Perhaps “eventually” has already come.

I think it is important to note at this point that structure and programming and church budgets and so on are most certainly NOT wrong and I am most definitely FOR them, rather than against them. If you look at how very structured and how much program our youth ministry has, you will see this to be true. However, it is essential that we continually remind ourselves that program and structure are simply tools we use to help us draw nearer to God. I can think of no other way to avoid falling into the trap of relying on them instead of God. Similarly the kings, cities, and chariots were not wrong for Israel, but simply gifts that God gave them.

To wrap all this up, I must conclude that the problem lies in our hearts. It is extremely difficult to give up control so that we can rely on God instead of ourselves. It is so much easier and so much more comfortable to hold on to control. At least then we have the illusion that we are actually in control of what happens. To give up that need for control, that need to know, that need to get our way, is very difficult, for who can predict the mind of the Lord?

Where did all this come from, you ask? Reading through the book of Isaiah has most certainly highlighted most of what God has been teaching me. One of the major themes highlighted in Isaiah is trust God instead of man. I challenge you, if you are having a hard time with what I have said here, to read and study the book of Isaiah. I think then it will become very clear what I am talking about. I leave you with this verse from Isaiah 2:22.

Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?

in youth ministry we trust - part 2

2006-02-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in the previous blog, the burden of ministry had grown so heavy on my shoulders that I was barely able to move. My stress levels had increased and I was really struggling to keep my head above water. It seemed that weights had been tied around my ankles and were threatening to drag me down into the black icy waters that seemed more than ready to engulf me. It was very timely that God spoke into my life through a parent whom I highly respect and love.

What I learned from her was that there was a belief out there among a few parents that it was my job to save their kids, and it was our Youth Ministry that they had put their hopes in for the salvation of their teens. This was very shocking to me, but I knew it to be true immediately, for it was this revelation that triggered another revelation. This one had to do with my own folly. As I reflected over the past few months, I realized that I too had fallen into this trap of thinking it was my job to save teens. I also had started trusting in our youth ministry and youth program to accomplish this task. It was no wonder that I felt so weighted down! Only Jesus can save anyone, and I had unwittingly taken on the task, and had succumbed to the expectation, of being a messiah to teenagers. It’s no wonder some of the parents were unknowingly placing that expectation on me – I was unknowingly communicating that to them through my actions!

So now that we are in the process of sorting out what a ministry looks like that fully relies on God, the burden has rolled away. I cannot save teenagers, and although my heart breaks for our young people, no amount of desire for their salvation and faith will save them on my part. My job is to be faithful to my calling – to love, to reach out and to disciple teenagers and leaders and to show through my life and my teaching how real, awesome, and how intricately involved God really is in our lives. Those who decide to follow and are hungry for God will inevitably meet him and grow in him. Those who reject it or are simply not hungry for it, will most likely not encounter the transforming power of our awesome Creator. Hopefully, they will eventually, but unfortunately, some will not for they will not turn to God. This is extremely hard for me accept, yet essential, for it defines the difference between putting my trust in God and putting my trust in myself or in our youth ministry.

My hope for our young people echoes that of Paul’s when he said “follow me as I follow Christ”. If our teens can catch an authentic glimpse of Jesus through my life and through the life of our leaders, it will truly be all we can do – and even that little bit can only be done through the power of Christ himself.

in youth ministry we trust

2006-02-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

The following couple of blogs were written in December but never posted. They are the concluding blogs that I had in my thoughts regarding faith. I was planning to post them long ago, but I was absent from the blogging world for a time. I will post part 2 of this blog in a couple of days.

I had a very enlightening conversation the other day with a parent of one of our teens. For a long time now I have struggled to identify a problem, more like a rift, that exists between me and a few of our parents. It just seemed that somehow we were on different pages on a couple of issues in youth ministry and I could not figure out what was at the heart of it all.

For the previous few months, I have sensed this ever-increasing burden that has been taking its toll on me. The burden has seemed to get heavier and heavier, and I was at the point where I just couldn’t carry it anymore. Something had to give.

Before I get into what I discovered with the parent I was talking with, I would like to highlight my own journey to understanding where I had gone wrong. Over the last couple of months God has been speaking to my heart very clearly about our youth program. I believe fully that God has led us to where we are now and I know he has used it/us to do some awesome things in the lives of teenagers. However, at the same time, it is of the utmost importance that we are ready for God to do something new, and I believe that God is on the brink of doing just that.

It all started with a question that arose in my head as I was thinking and praying about our youth ministry. What does a youth ministry look like that fully relies on God? The more I thought about the question, the more I realized that I had some major changing to do. You see, we have built this massive program that seemingly has “every angle” covered. We have our outreach events to draw teens in. We have our teaching times where God’s word can do its work. We have fusion groups that are meant to help build authentic Christian community and disciple teenagers. We have an emphasis on serving others and constantly encourage our teens to serve. We have amazing leaders who have developed incredible relationships with the teens. So, you might ask, what could possibly be the problem?

The problem is that with all of this programming is their room for God? If there is an explosion of growth here, who will get the credit? I soon realized how easy it would be to not even miss a beat if God did not show up, and how naturally our program, leaders, and youth pastor would be praised for such amazing growth. It was a scary thought that made me do some soul searching (right after a chill went up my spine!). I immediately thought of Gideon and how God kept telling Gideon that he had too many men to defeat the Midianites (who, by the way, had hundreds of thousands of warriors to Israel’s meagre 30 thousand) until Gideon was left with a tiny ragged band of 300 men. God knew that as long as Israel’s numbers were high, they would take the credit for the victory – so he made it unmistakeable… or so one would think. It was not long after that people tried to make Gideon their king.

My question is, why this example? Why did God choose to give me a picture of Gideon in relation to our Youth Ministry? What is God planning to do here? What does he want me to do with this? Some tough questions that I as of yet have no answers to.

This draws me back to my opening paragraph about my chat with one of the parents of our teens. God showed me through this conversation 2 major revelations – both of which I will relate in part 2 of this post. Stay tuned…

to blog or not to blog... is that a question?

2006-02-10T14:22:00.000-07:00

Ah, I see I actually have a few faithful fans (very few) who are actually disappointed in my lack of blogging as of late. OK, I give in. I will resume relating to you my deeply intelligent thoughts... or lack there of.

I suppose for my first blog in a couple months, I should start with a light mental workout (I wouldn't want to pull a brain muscle - I hear they can be painful) . So, maybe an update on life in Cold Lake for the Nichols is the right course of action for a few light mental reps.

Going all the way back to December, we had a great Christmas hanging out with the Nichol family. It was really cool to see all the cousins hanging out and playing together at mom and dad's place in Beaverlodge. It reminded me of good times in the past in Grampa and Gramma Foster's basement when we would get to spend the best night of the year with all our Foster/Baron cousins. Ah, yes, those were certainly good times.

Once we got back to Cold Lake (Friday night), we were immediately ambushed by a rush of busyness as I hurriedly prepared a sermon for New Years Day (all day Saturday and into the wee hours of the morning) and then later with our Youth program returning full-swing (not to mention the plethora of meetings that always occur before things can get going again).

January went by very quickly, and with it the anticipation of getting an actual winter here in Cold Lake. It is unbelievable that I have not worn my winter coat once since we had that one short cold spell in Novermber. It has been vest weather all the way! And still the weather remains mild. My greatest fear is that we are stealing heat from the summer and that our summer and winter will be hard to tell apart!

Then came February, and with February in Cold Lake comes much ado about Skiriffic and, this year, our Missions Trip to Peru as well. Between those 2, our Sunday night youth service, and our other youth and church related activities, I am pretty much full-up to the brim. Unfortunately, it has not allowed me a whole lotta time for much else.

February is also the time that we now remember our good friend Faye Hodson who passed away Feb 9, 2005. Faye was very much loved by many in our church, including Jeamie. It has been a very hard year for our little family as we dealt with the loss of our friend and also with the absence of Bill and the boys as they moved away to Moosejaw shortly after the accident. They have been sorely missed. In fact, as of this moment, Jeamie, Joy, and Grace are driving to Moosejaw to visit with the Hodsons and Dargatz'. I hope they have a good weekend together.

Of course, this means that Nyah and I are bachin' it for the weekend. We will miss Jeamie for sure, and I am wondering how Nyah will do as she has never been without her mommy for more than a day before. Hopefully, she will be ok. She is really growing up fast. I don't know if there could possibly be a cuter little girl... and this of course, is a completely unbias opinion! Jeamie has also been doing very well lately, and she is pretty cute too!

And last but not least, the latest news from the ever-expanding Nichol clan in Cold Lake is that a baby boy is on the way! Jeamie found out just a few days ago. So, a little terror will soon descend upon this unsuspecting town! I am looking forward to meeting him face-to-face!

I leave you with this picture of Cold Lake that I shot the morning the lake froze over. It is actually a pretty cool pic because the ice was so thin that you could barely tell it was ice. Here are a couple pics of a sunrise in January in Cold Lake:

faith and trust

2005-12-09T14:03:00.000-07:00

I realized after my last post that I needed to clarify faith and trust. I believe that faith comes from God and is his gift to us. Our faith derives from God’s faithfulness (one of his attributes) and is wholly dependent on who God is and what God does. We get this faith from hearing the word. Paul says in Romans 10, “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ.” He gives to each of us a measure of faith, and I believe that the measure given is always enough. Thus I think the statement “I need more faith” is a little misleading. God has given us the faith we need. Paul says in Romans 12, “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

But I believe that this is only the first half of faith. Like most of the gifts God gives, they require a response from us, and this is where the human element of faith enters the picture in the form of trust and belief. Paul says in Rom 10, “For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."” I think trust and belief are the two major areas of the human element of faith.

The first area (belief) is the difficult first step in becoming a follower of Christ. And again, it is only through the Holy Spirit revealing to us the things of God that we are even able to believe. Yet, at the same time, belief still depends on our response to God’s revelation. God does not force us to believe. It is a choice we must make (although when God does reveal himself, it becomes very difficult not to believe!) We may struggle with belief at times in our journey, but I find unbelief not to be too much of a struggle at this point in my own walk with God.

The second human element of faith is trust. For me, this is the tough one. I believe, but I struggle with trust; in fact, it is even deeper than that. I trust God in my heart, but somehow my actions do not say the same thing. I know God. I know what he can do, yet at the same time I cannot fathom the depth of his character or just how much he actually can do, and, maybe most importantly, I don’t know exactly what he will do. I want to have control over my own life, but this very control is what does battle with my trust in God. This is what my last blog was talking about. This is the difficulty of faith, for even though faith does not come from within us, it requires something from us.

But I also believe that this struggle is needed. It is what strengthens our relationship with God. Somehow this struggle seems to be responsible for the building up of our faith (or spiritual formation). So, in essence, it becomes an essential part of our faith. Without it, I think our faith would remain weak and untested.

Hmmm… perhaps in my attempt to clarify I have only muddied the waters further!

the difficulty of faith

2005-12-05T23:32:00.000-07:00

I think the major obstacle in trusting God is faith. It seems that faith is the most difficult aspect of our relationship with God to grasp. Perhaps it is our modern obsession for proof or maybe it is our misconception of who God is or perhaps it is our unwillingness to give up control or maybe it is because of all the things of this earth that seem to get in the way. Perhaps it is a combination of all of these things and more. Whatever it may be the end result is simply that faith is difficult.

When I think of mans’ struggle with faith, I think of Abraham. Abraham was commended for his faith in Hebrews and is often one of our examples of true faith. Ironically, it is also Abraham who exemplified our humanness to a tee. I am talking about Abraham’s lack of faith with regards to marrying his wife’s servant Hagar. Abraham believed God’s promise that he would be the father of many nations; however, his act of marrying Hagar was the result in a lack of faith. You see, it appeared as though God needed a little help for Abraham was advancing in years as was his wife, but they still did not have a son. So what does Abraham do? He marries a young hottie and lo and behold, she bears him a son!

Here’s the thing. So often in our lives we are simply not on the same page as God is. Abraham could not perceive that God would provide an heir for him through his wife Sarah because all he was trusting in was what he could physically see and understand. Sarah was barren and she was quickly advancing beyond the age of having the ability to have a baby at all. Now we can all sympathize with poor old Abe. That does seem a little odd, and were we in the same position as Abraham, I am sure we would have done the same thing. But I think that’s the point. That is where faith in God really takes… faith. God seems to continually work in ways we never expect him to.

Our tendency is to jump the gun, and I think we do this all time. We ask God for something and when he doesn’t come through when or how we think he should, we take it into our own hands. We start trusting in our own abilities and strengths or in the ones around us to get the job done. The tough part is that our “jumping the gun” makes perfect sense to us – even as it probably did to Abraham. He might have even been very proud of figuring out the solution.

But God doesn’t work the way we want him to. He doesn’t fit into our plans, and we can’t manipulate him into doing our will. What will it take for us to start really trusting that God is not bound by the laws of this world? How long will we refuse to give up control of our lives because we are unable to understand God and his reasons for doing what he does? What will it take to find ourselves in God’s plan rather than trying to find him in our own?

Faith is tough. It’s hard to trust what cannot be “scientifically proven” (especially in an age when “proof”, not science, is our god). It’s tough to trust a God who is unpredictable and impossible to fathom. Yet, have faith we must for it is the very essence of our relationship with Creator of the universe himself. It is through this very faith that we are justified before the great Judge. It is this same faith to which we cling to in times of doubt and hardship. Without it we are lost.

when god doesn't come through... then what?

2005-12-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

I have noticed something recently that seems to be a common weakness in all of the Christians I know (including myself). It seems that we humans are always trying not to trust God. What I mean is that it seems that whenever we really want to get something, to get something done, or to find some much needed help of some kind, God is often our last resort. Or, on the flipside, we start with God, but when we don’t see results (the ones we want, anyway) we quickly move on to find something or someone better to place our trust in. Of course, very few Christians I know would say that this is what they do. No, we trust God, don’t we? The real problem is that most of us never realize or recognize our tendency to trust anything or anyone else but God.

This problem is nothing new. If you have read through the Old Testament or heard Preachers preach about it, you are probably very aware of how Israel was constantly relying on and trusting in pretty much everyone and everything except God. If you are like me, you have shaken your head time and time again wondering at how silly and stupid the people of Israel were. How could they constantly put their trust in their walled cities, their armies and military might, their kings, and other nations that could help them out of tough spots? Why were they always afraid of their enemies when they had God on their side? Didn’t they get it? How could they be so dense with all that God had done for them? And why didn’t they ever learn their lesson? The cycle is so obvious to anyone looking at Israel’s history.

Then I started looking at myself and how I place my trust in God with my lips but often place my trust elsewhere in my actions. Haven’t we done the very same thing? It is so much easier to trust something that you can see and touch and feel then what is unseen and untouchable. It is so much easier to place your trust in results and human technology because it’s tangible and convincing. It is so much easier to have faith in something when you can control the outcome (which of course is then no longer faith) than to trust a God with whom we cannot be sure of the outcome. Besides, God might not be on the same page as us, anyway. He might not want for us what we want for us.

Do I really trust God for my “daily bread”? Do I really trust God with my little girl? Do I really trust God for my future? Do I really trust that God’s best for me really is the best for me? Do I really trust that in all things God is working for my good? I am really trusting God fully with my ministry? If so, what does this trust look like? Does it go hand-in-hand with my prayer life? Does my stress and worry levels reflect my lack of trust? Yikes! I think if we really start delving into what trust is we will be shocked at our own lack of trust in God.

How about in our church ministries and how we have structured them? Are we relying on our programs and pastors/leaders and whatever or whoever else to draw us closer to God and to grow or do we trust God for that? How about our kid's spiritual growth and/or salvation?

This is something I have been thinking a lot about lately that has me rethinking my own trust in God, and I will be delving into this more in-depth in the next few blogs. But before I finish, I just want to leave you with the Scripture that has inspired these thoughts of mine. It’s funny because it is so familiar, but I will never read it the same again.

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

fruit

2005-11-25T13:06:00.000-07:00

After being inspired to reread through John 14-17 by a friend (aptly named John himself!), I remembered something I had thought about the last time I read John 15, but had not processed. So, process it I shall do now!

I have heard this text used on multiple occasions to support things like church growth and effect evangelism and effective ministry and effective blah blah blahness. The text I am referring to is John 15:1-17 (the vine and the branches). For some reason, people really want Jesus’ words here to mean numerical growth and/or some kind of tangible growth. Basically, I think the term growth that Jesus uses has been mistaken by many to mean “bigger”.

But I don’t think that the kind of growth referred to in this passage refers to converts or church growth or effective ministry or numerical growth or anything that associates the term growth with “bigger”. The growth in this text is the kind of growth that is hard to measure and it is not talking about “bigger”, but rather an inner growth, and the fruit is the result of this inner growth. The fruit is not other people, which is another misconception of what Jesus was talking about, but rather is transformation and character growth. More than likely Jesus’ reference to fruit was similar to the fruit of the Spirit spoken of by Paul in the book of Galatians.

The metaphor that Jesus uses for people is “branches”, not fruit. This is where the disconnect has occurred. If Jesus was talking about conversion or some kind of tangible growth, he would have said that we as the branches would be helping to graft new branches into the vine. To think that we are branches, but that people who come to Christ are fruit seems to completely miss what Jesus is talking about.

In v.16, Jesus says that he appointed us to “bear much fruit – fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.” Now imagine if fruit here meant “bigger”. This is what might be the result: “If you have lots of converts, if your church grows numerically, if your ministry is successful, if you are effect. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.” Sounds pretty silly doesn’t it?

So, what is the significance of this text? I think the key statement is in v. 5. “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” The fruit is the result of God’s work in our life. When we “remain in him” we cannot help but be changed by him. The fruit of the Spirit grows and transforms us to become more like Jesus. This growth cannot occur if we do not remain in him. The fruit of the Spirit will not grow any other way – including doing a lot of good things for God.

If you go further on in the text you see that Jesus starts talking about love. Love is at the forefront of this fruit. It is fruit/love that will transform us and will enable us to love God (resulting in obedience) and to love others – even to the extent that Jesus loves us (v.12).

If you keep going in John 15, what you find is not the numerical result or tangible growth aspect resulting from this inner growth, but rather hate. Jesus promises his disciples that because they belong to him and in essence remain in him, the world will return that love and transformation with hate.

I think it is very clear that this text does not talk about “bigger/tangible” type growth, and the reason I wanted to blog about this is because it is my pet peeve. The result of remaining in Christ is not an explosion of numerical or conversion growth, but rather persecution and hatred. I know that in other places/passages in the Bible the application is different, but I think we naturally gravitate towards them (the positives) and forget that sometimes growth in our faith will result in persecution. Interesting that we do not like this application very much. I can see why many would want to find something else there. I know I would!

equipping

2005-11-23T10:36:00.000-07:00

With the impending Ripple Effect Conference coming up this weekend I have been thinking a lot about equipping. I guess in some ways I am very disappointed with the lack of interest people have in getting this type of training. It seems that it simply is not valued in our neck of the woods. I realize that often it is very difficult for people to get away from work or whatever, or that for many it simply is about finally not going out and having a weekend at home. Our lives are busy and are already full of "life" type things. But when someone truly values something, they would not miss it for the world. This is why I see equipping as being something not valued here. If it was, we would be stressing out about finding enough rides for everyone.

However, this is not what I want to write about. Ironically, I want to delve into the whole validity of the modern day approach of the "equipping of the saints" as expressed in Eph 4. Before I go on, I must say that I actually see the opposite occurring in Cold Lake. We seem to be on the opposite side of the spectrum in our thinking about equipping (or maybe more appropriately our non-thinking about equipping). I think it is more unhealthy than the equipping that I am about to comment on.

I see this massive move toward equipping as more of an urban thing (although many rural churches are getting involved more and more). I think it has been very beneficial and much knowledge and wisdom has resulted from this equipping. It has helped people understand important issues that are vital aspects of their faith such as what the role of the church in our community and the role of the Church in the world as a whole. It has helped many understand their own role in the church and why the church exists. It has enabled people to communicate their beliefs in a much clearer and more effective manner. Equipping has done great things and has been responsible for a great deal of positive effects on the church in North America.

However, I have one very major concern (and a couple of minor ones too) that I have seen come as the result of all this training. It seems that the purpose of all of this training is to help us over come our inadequacies and ignorance of the important issues of our faith. The problem is that training and knowledge is not the key to effective ministry and a confident faith. In an attempt to overcome our inadequacies we have resorted to knowledge and more training, but is not inadequacy exactly what God desires of us? Hehehe… I have your attention now, don’t I!

What I mean is that until we come to the point that we realize that no amount of training or equipping or knowledge will ever cover our inadequacy as fallen human beings to do the work that God has pre-ordained for us to do, we will never be on the same page as God. God wants us to come to the place where we give him our inadequacy and rely fully on him for our strength, for our competence, for our knowledge, for our confidence, and for our everything. Paul once said that apart from Christ he could do nothing. Perhaps this is what he was referring to.

Here is what I have witnessed. People have come to see equipping or human training as the pre-requisite to being a competent Christian, and as enlightening and beneficial as this training has been, it can never replace the Holy Spirit. When we have a problem or when there is dissention or where there is a lack of faith or confidence in your faith, our training cannot be what we rely on. I have seen this incredible shift in people to view themselves as “not fit to do the work” because they feel incompetent. The problem is we have reinforced this misconception in people by communicating to them that more training is the solution to their problem. Many people who are unable to get this training or have taken the training and found it to be overwhelming or couldn’t understand it, become convinced of their own inabilities for even the simple things of faith.

And who could possibly remember all the things that training provides? There are literally thousands of courses and training opportunities available in our country every year. If our effectiveness and competence as believers simply depended on all this knowledge, we’re all hooped! There is just way too many thing we need know.

I had one student come up to me very stressed out because he could not remember all the steps and keys to effective evangelism he had learned in the Contagious Christian Course. I realized right then and there my mistake. It wasn’t that I had taught the course (the course is really good), but rather I had failed to emphasize that the key to effectively communicating your faith had nothing to do with the training. It is essential that we learn to become sensitive to and fully dependent on the leading of the Holy Spirit in our attempts of tell people about the hope we have within us.

And this is the case in all areas of our faith. If we are relying on our training for our confidence and effectiveness, we are trying to “lean on our own understanding” instead of relying on the Holy Spirit. Have we fallen into the trap of thinking that our boldness comes from our knowledge and training? Is this boldness not already within us, as Paul told Timothy, as the result of the indwelling of the Holy Spirit? Is the equipping of the saints supposed to be training us to be effective and to rely on our training, or is it supposed to be training Christians to acknowledge their inadequacies and inabilities to accomplish the task set before us and to rely on the Holy Spirit?

community

2005-11-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Community has been on my mind a lot lately because it has become apparent through a variety of situations and conversations that I view community very differently than other people. The problem, as I see it, is that we (the Church) have mistaken get-togethers and social functions as community. I think we are way off. This is not the kind of community the Bible speaks of. This is a modern day misconception of Christian community. So, what is the most common response to the plea from Christians that we need more community and/or a better sense of community? More events! More get-togethers! More meetings! More fellowship! Is this all there is to community? It seems so hollow – so shallow, and it only appeals to a certain type of person (usually the extrovert who loves the big get-togethers). But what about the rest, and what kind of community does God want us to have as a community of believers?

I think there are 2 two kinds of community. One is the large entity or body of people who belong to something. For example, I belong to the community of Cold Lake. Why? Because I live in the community/town and am therefore automatically a part of the community. I am also part of the community of believers of Cold Lake. I belong to this church/body that includes all those who are followers of Christ in Cold Lake. I am also part of a specific community of believers that is known as Grand Centre Alliance Church. I belong to this body of believers or community because I have chosen to make this communion of believers my “faith community”. This is the first type of community that is easy to identify. It has nothing to do with how I feel or how connected I am. I am simply part of these communities because I have chosen to belong to them.

The second kind of community is more about connectedness than belonging. However, it is connectedness that usually colors how much we feel like we belong to the community. When feelings of connectedness are missing, the result is a feeling that we don’t belong or are on the outside looking in (even though it is not true – belonging is our choice to belong to the community, not how connected to it we feel). Consequently, even though we actually do belong to the community (unless we have actually been intentionally pushed out or asked to leave) we feel like we do not. In the end, both types of community are important if we want to function as the Body of Christ should.

So how do we make this happen? How can we have both senses of community? I think that getting together in a big group atmosphere is not the answer. Rarely is a new-comer or one who would consider themselves on the “outside” made to feel a greater sense of belonging or community by a big get-together. Rather, it is often (not always) these events that emphasize their unconnectedness. Have you ever noticed that it is usually the same people who attend almost everything? Don’t get me wrong, I do not think the big event type community stuff is useless. On the contrary, I think it can be very useful, but the event itself is not where true Christian community happens.

True community is not about the place or the event or whatever. It is about openness. True community happens when one follower of Christ bears his or her soul to another follower of Christ. True community happens when we let our guards down and take our masks off long enough for someone else to see inside our hearts. I know, it sounds scary. Our hearts are not very nice – in fact the Bible says that they are desperately wicked. But any other type of community is simply superficial and shallow. This does not mean it is bad, just shallow. Shallow is good at the start of something - not so good if it just stays shallow. If you want to experience a deep sense of community, you need to get a whole lot deeper and whole lot more honest with someone else about who you really are. No judging. No attitudes of “I’m better than them”. No, none of that. Only grace and love and truth in an attemopt to encourage and help each other on this journey of faith we have embarked on together. I believe this is also known discipleship or as being a disciple.

So if you are feeling like you are on the outside looking in and are struggling with feeling like you belong or are connected, my advice is to begin a friendship with one or two other people with the intention of having deep community with them (your spouse does not count!). I guarantee that your sense of community will never be the same. You will feel more connected with a more incredible sense of belonging than you ever thought possible.

blogging blues

2005-11-05T21:28:00.000-07:00

Has it been over a week since my last blog already? Ouch! Life has been a wee bit fast paced recently. Perhaps I should read some of my own blogs on busyness... if I had time, I might. Anyway, I just wanted to write a quick blog about life stuff before I race away to Banff early Monday morning for District Prayer Retreat. I am looking forward to that, but I am also sad that I am leaving Jeamie and Nyah behind for 4 days. I will miss them. Prayer Retreat has always been a great time for Jeamie and I in the past.

For the first time in our 4 short years of marriage we did not have an all expenses paid trip to Banff for our anniversary. The last 3 years we were at Prayer Retreat eating great food and staying in a nice hotel and catching up with each other. It was a very nice anniversary get-away. Alas, it was not to be this year. Instead we went out to Clark's for dinner after depositing the little rascal at the Fehr's. We returned home after picking up the runt and watched a movie. Not really what you would call an exciting night out, but it was pleasant nonetheless (perhaps it was the fabulous company).

I am always thankful for Prayer Retreat. It may sound weird, but by November I am already very tired and in need of a break... not just a break, but something that refuels my tank as well. Prayer Retreat has been great for this because it really isn't just a break. It's purpose is rest and refueling for Pastors. If it was simply a break, there wouldn't be so many sessions and they wouldn't go until 9:00pm at night (maybe it should be more of a break!). It is also nice to be able to go somewhere that we could never afford to go to. It feels good to be treated well because let's face it, being a pastor is often a very thankless job. You would be amazed at how much pastors are not shown appreciation by their people. It seems weird though. You would think that of all places, the church - the very body of Christ - would exemplify this attitude of thankfulness and humility. Anyway, I won't get into that. That might be for another blog another time.

So, unless I blog tomorrow, I will not have another blog for for a week. Have a great week!

feelings... of faith?

2005-10-26T23:28:00.000-06:00

Since I have wandered into the arena of feelings, I might as well stay for a while. Something I read the other day got me thinking. It was a short article by Eugene Peterson. He was talking about how trying to measure our faith usually results in us simply mistaking our faith for a feeling we have about our beliefs or piety. In the end what we measure is not faith but an emotion, for when we try to measure, it is always from our own point of view. Thus we begin our measure from the wrong starting point. "Faith has to do with what God is doing, not with what we are feeling" says Peterson.

What stood out to me was his statement that "faith is not a feeling". I had to think about this for a while to let it sink in. I have always been a big proponant of exposing the "feeling falsities" such as love is a feeling, guilt is a feeling, experiencing God is a feeling, strong spirituality is a feeling, etc. But I had not made the connection that faith is not a feeling - or at least I hadn't thought about it before.

Hebrews 11 says:
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible...

Again, as in the case of how the Bible defines love, it says nothing about faith being a feeling. Have you ever really wanted God do something so bad that you thought if you simply had enough faith he would do it? What did that faith look like? More than likely it was conjuring up an emotion that made you feel like you had more faith.

Anyway, I just thought I would share this with y'all.

love... what is it?

2005-10-21T12:10:00.000-06:00

Ah yes, the age old question has been plagueing me for the last few weeks, "what is love?" In some ways I am very concerned with the younger generations whose definition of love has been almost entirely influenced by media... especially movies and novels. There are very few movies/novels/stories that do not have some sort of love twist or love adventure entwined or even driving their plots. Love is one of those things that drives us humans, and love is an essential element for any good story to actaully be perceived as being good. But, what message are these dipictions of love sending us? What are they teaching us about real love? How are they molding our definition and expectations of what love really is?

I think that our society has been completely bamboozled by a false, destructive and idealistic definition of what love is, and we are constantly being bombarded by it from every conceivable angle. Movies portray love (eros or romantic love) as being purely a feeling that it is driven by an incredible passion and longing for another person (aka... lust). Of course in these same movies and stories there is no true human interaction, and the love affair is almost always a fantasy that could never actually happen in real life. Or it is a window into a very short period of a relationship that would never continue to be healthy if based on this passionate desire. Yet, even with this knowledge, we seem to want to hold on to this idealistic definition of love (sometimes just by simply denying that this false picture of love is not true and not possible). Why? I think it is because this kind of love (or even the thought of one day having this type of love or it being possible) makes us feel good - all warm and fuzzy inside, and feeling good is the value our society embraces with the most vigor.

This over-emphasized importance of feelings of love comes from a society that is adicted to infatuation. We are infatuation junkies, and when the infatuation wears off, we want to move on and once again find that good old feeling. In the wake of our selfish pursuit of "love", other people are left behind smashed and destroyed - used and discarded like cheese gone bad.

The root problem of society's definition of love is that it is self-centred and self-serving, and it is almost entirely based on feelings. The problem with basing anything on feelings is that feelings are completely unreliable when it comes to actually guiding us anywhere. The cop who relies totally on his feeling to do his job will be the most wishy washy cop alive. The Christian who bases their relationship with God on their feelings about him will have the most erratic, immature, unsure, and unfulfilling faith. The man or woman who bases their relationship and love for their spouse on feelings will have the most unstable of marriages. Feelings are constantly changing, and if our lives are based on the way we feel, when we're up, everything is good and our love is strong, but when we're down, everything is despressing and our feelings of love become non-existent and/or negative. Talk about a rollercoaster of emotions.

So then, what is love? We cannot simply define it by saying what it is not. If true love is not based on nice feelings about another person, then what is it? Before answering this question I think it is important to point out that there is an element of mystery that cannot be explained about love. Love is something that no definition will ever completely be able to capture. Also, I am not saying that feelings are unimportant, but rather that they should never be the bases of our love. With this in mind, what is love or what about the part of love we can define?

I think it is very interesting that an entire chapter of the Bible (1 Corinthians 13) is dedicated to defining love and not once is love said to be, or even elluded to be, a feeling. Not at all. Rather, it is the foundation of pretty much our entire existence and is the basis for everything and every action in this life. It is not something defined by "self" (for it is not self-seeking), but rather is defined wholely by looking to the need of another at the cost of self. Gordon Fee, in his commentary about 1 Corinthians 13, says "Love is not an idea for Paul, not even a moitivating factor for behaviour. It is behaviour. To love is to act; anything short of action is not love at all." In 1 Corinthians 13 we see love laid bare before our eyes as we recognize that true love is the same as the love that Christ gave to us. Jesus did not die for us because he had feelings about us, but rather because his love for us looked like this:

1 Corinthians 13
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

munchkin update

2005-10-15T12:27:00.000-06:00

There seems to be an outcry for pictures of Nyah. Well, here are a few of the most recent. Enjoy...

Nyah the piano wizard...

Nyah the lounge lizzard

Is there such a thing as too cute?

Watching cartoons...

The jokester...

the lost art of contemplation

2005-10-14T14:26:00.000-06:00

I think that one of the main reasons that busyness keeps us from growing in our relationship with God (as well as with other people for that matter) is that we are unable to hear God's voice. It's kind of like trying to have an important conversation with a "low-talker" while a guy with a jack-hammer is going nuts beside you. Or like that new axe commercial where the guy is trying to focus on what the girl in front of him is trying to say while all the things that cause guys to get distracted are going on all around him. It's tough to hear God's voice above all the noise of our busy and distracted lives.

I think we as a culture have lost the ability to comtemplate, and not only have we lost it, we have come to see it as useless. We are so focused on meeting our goals, getting things done, and doing it as fast as possible that contemplation has become a waste of valuable time and energy. The problem is that comtemplation is essential if we want to hear from God.

What I mean is that when most of us read the Bible these days, we do not think and wrestle with what God is trying to say to us. We read, we stop for a moment (maybe), we pray (usually quite quickly) and then we are on to something else. Where in this quick devotional duty does God have a chance to speak to us? If we do not sit and think about what we have read and truly seek God for what he wants to say to us, how will we hear his voice? If we do not then wrestle with what God has shown us, how will we put into action what God has said? Is this not how we open the ears of our hearts to God's soft and still voice?

Or how about on Sunday morning? We sit, we sing, we stand, we sing, we do some other stuff, we hear a message and then we go on to something else. Sometimes I hear people complain that they are not getting fed and are not hearing from God during our services. Is it not possible that it is because their hearts are not able to hear God's voice because all they are listening for is the human voice that tickles their ears and make feel like they got fed because it was a good speach (also known as a sermon)? What ever happened to listening humbly to someone speak, and forgetting about how great or poor of a communicator they are because it is God's voice that we are seeking to hear? Is God only able to speak through eloquent speakers and effective communicators? I hope not. That would limit God somethiung fierce!

There seems to be so few people who truly hear from God these days. Maybe it is because we have not saught God with our hearts, but only with our minds and only in a short period of time. Maybe truly seeking God and hearing his voice requires taking time to comtemplate and wrestle with what he wants to say to us. Maybe... who knows?

busyness part 2

2005-10-13T13:57:00.000-06:00

I think that busyness has subtly become an expectation for everyone in our society of busy people. Everything is rush, rush, rush - fast lanes, fast food, high speed internet, fast tracks to success, faster cars, faster sports, faster line ups, faster service... all in an attempt to decrease waiting (patience is no longer a virtue, it is now completely intolerable). Everything seems to revolve around how fast it can be done. We even have the "One minute devotional Bible" for people who do not have much time to spend with God.

When someone is not busy, there seems to be an element of judgement from others that they are lazy... and no one wants to be pegged as lazy (well, with the exception of a few people who are proud of being lazy). Why do we demand this busyness from one another? If I decided to make my life and my job less busy, there would probably be a backlash of negativity. I would imagine it would sound something like this... "What are we paying you for?" "Exactly what are you doing with your time?" "If you're not busy, then obviously you're not doing a good job!" Basically our society has embraced the protestant work ethic on steroids.

Behind it all there seems to be lurking this guilt that makes us comply with the "busyness" value of our culture. Yes, busyness is one of the values of our culture. Bosses like workers who are busy and will sacrifice other areas of their lives to go the extra mile. The problem is that the extra mile keeps stretching and pretty soon we run an extra 10 miles every day and finish the day exhausted. When we try to slow down, we feel this incredible sense of guilt that we are not doing enough because we are not busy enough. Ah, the pressure. I think it all has to do with our pride.

Jesus said that his yoke is easy and his burden is light . Doesn't it seem odd then (perhaps even ironic) that pastors have such an incredibly high rate of burnout? Isn't it strange that our ministry volunteers are overwhelmed and swamped and often burned out as well? What is going on? Are we missing something here? Has the expectation and cultural value of busyness been adopted by the church, the body of Christ? What exactly are we trying to accomplish here? Has our own pride blinded us into thinking we can do God's job - that the growth of the church somehow rests on our shoulders? Are we trying to build some kind of earthly empire of churches?

Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves and why, when we try to change, do we feel so guilty about it? Shouldn't the church or gathering of believers be restful? Here's what Jesus seems to think about it...

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matt 11:28-30)

I guess this has been more of a rant than anything. I am just getting really concerned for people (including myself) who live busy and hectic lives because their spiritual life always suffers because of it. How do we change this? How can we make sure that busyness does not become a value of the body of Christ? If Jesus promises us a light burden, but the burden we are carrying is crushingly heavy, whose burden are we carrying? Who are we trying to please?

busyness...life's answer to boredom or a false sense of self-satisfaction?

2005-10-12T09:56:00.000-06:00

The past 2 weeks leading up to Thanksgiving have been brutally busy; in fact, the entire month of September is one of those months in which my job seems to completely consume my entire life - my entire existence. I know that my family feels it too, because I rarely have any emotional or physical energy left for them at the end of the day (which is usually around 10p in September as I am constantly meeting with people trying to get all of our ministries started and our leaders prepped, not to mention the stress and pressure of getting our programs and everything else going again). In the process it seems that my emotional, spiritual and physical energies are spent on everyone else and my family gets the shaft. If this happened every month, I probably would not be married, nor would I have a family.

This has gotten me thinking a lot about busy-ness, because after a month like the last one, it is very easy to look back and be proud of how much was accomplished and how busy I was. It makes me feel like I am doing a good job... you know - making sure I'm earning my keep. However, this is also the problem. You see, when people get busy, they do not have time for God. It is an inevitable truth that when life on this earth consumes you, your life in Christ breaks down. You cannot have it both ways.

Our society seems to be obsessed with busy-ness. Why? What is so important about being busy? The answer is not too hard find. A fast-paced life brings with it a sense of self-satisfaction and accomplishment. It makes us feel like we are contributing to something bigger than ourselves. It makes us feel like we are dedicated and deserving of what we have been given. This dedication is often praised by our bosses and rewarded. It gives us a sense of greater self-worth as we find ourselves rushing from one thing to the next and making a difference (whether or not that difference really matters is not really considered - no time). Being busy makes us feel like we are doing something, and afterall, isn't doing lots of stuff one of the purposes of life?

This is the life of most people in our society. There are not too many people I know (especially if they have children) who are not busy. And the few that are not able to be busy because of whatever reason, long for that feeling of busy-ness again. Now add church to the mix.

The church seems to have followed the example of the world when it comes to busy-ness (hmmm... and business!). It seems that the one area of life that should slow us down has become just another addition to our busy lives. The church has become a place that can make you so busy that you no longer have time for God. People can become so involved in church stuff that they have little time for other more important things. It is not only God who gets left behind, but also the people who need us the most... our families and those who are in search of real life, of Jesus and the life he offers, but need those who follow him to show/share with them the way. How can this be? How did we let this happen?

I think it all boils down to this false sense of self-satisfaction and self-worth that a busy life seems to offer us. Things like dedication to one's work or hobby or ministry replaces things like dedication to God, to sharing our faith with others, and to our families. The problem is that we need to be committed or dedicated to these other things. The very real danger is that it almost always begins to compete with the more important things in life. In essense our feeling of self-satifaction is misdirected to something that is temporal instead of eternal.

The other problem I see with busy-ness is a misconception that it is the cure to making bad decisions that arise from boredom (this seems to be a favorite of parents of bored teens). The mindset goes something like this: "If our teens are really busy doing church type things, they will not have time to slip into sinful and destructive behaviour." I find this to be very disconcerting. Why would we want to teach our teens that being busy is the answer to having a fruitful life with Christ? Where does Jesus teach this? How will they ever ask those really tough questions in life if they have not had the time to think about them? How will they actually be able to wrestle with the issues of faith and in the process embrace fully their faith if they are too busy doing stuff for God? If we get our teens in the busy mindset early enough, I can garauntee that, barring a miracle intervention from God, they will not find him. They will be too busy.

I have found that when I am busy, God becomes very evidently absent from my life. I struggle to find quality time to spend with him. I also I struggle with finding time to spend with people (friends) who are searching for Jesus because my time is consumed with people who have already found him or with things (tasks) that need to be completed for programming. In short, I struggle with my calling to be a follower of Christ because I am so busy with my call to pastor, and I struggle with my call to pastor because much of my work (part of the reason I am so busy)has become program directing.

Where does it end? When will we slow down enough so that God can get a hold of us? When will we stop long enough so that we can hear God's still and quiet voice? Usually at this point someone will come in with some solid advice about balance and how we need balance in our lives. Maybe that's true, but maybe balance is not the answer. Maybe we just need to let go of our need for busy-ness and slow down enough so that God can really get a hold of us and so that we can finally have true intimacy with God. Afterall, isn't that the purpose of our lives, to have intimacy with God and to bring glory to his name?

why are teenagers so bored these days?

2005-09-27T20:44:00.000-06:00

I have been mulling over this question for a couple of weeks now, so I decided to write a little blog about it. This question was kind of plaguing me for a while because when you think about it, it doesn't make sense. Teenagers today have more toys, more things to do, more opportunities to do more things, more, more, more... more than any other generation of teenagers on the face of the earth... so why then are they so incredibly bored? Why, especially in the summer, is there so much teen vandalism? How could teenagers possibly be bored when they have pretty much everything there is to have?

Then I got to thinking. Maybe the real problem is not that they need more (whatever that may be) but less. Have you ever seen a child in a third world country who was bored? Have you ever seen a person who has nothing in this world who was bored? I can't say that I have. Poor people seem to have beaten the bordem bug. So, what do they have that we do not have... or better yet, what do they know about not being bored that we don't know?

Have you ever stopped to think about how much stuff parents buy their kids these days? What is it that drives parents to want the best of what the world has to offer for their kids? I felt it as soon as Nyah was born. I wanted her to have all the advantages of life. I wanted her to be pretty and well liked. I wanted her to be smart. I wanted her to stand out and be successful and beautiful. I wanted her to have nice toys to play with and lots of them. As she tired of the toys she had, I felt that it was my responsibility to get her more stuff. Yet, at the same time, I was fighting it. I knew that the answer to her getting bored of her toys was not more new toys for her to get tired of.

Sometimes I think we do not fully believe that what God wants for our teens is what they really want too. Jesus said that the life he offers is "life to the full", but the full life is one of self-sacrifice and denial, not indulgence and more stuff. Yet, how many of us are willing to model this lifestyle to our kids let alone teach it to them? We live in a culture of indulgence self- gratification and we have become so accustomed to indulging ourselves that the life of sacrifice and self-denial is completely foreign to us. And, in the end, this is what we teach our kids through our own actions, and our own desires for them.

When are we ever going to wake up and realize that our kids do not need more stuff? Have we been taken in by the seductive power of what the world has to offer? We tell our kids that only God can fulfill our true need for more, but we contradict that with our actions. When we want our kids to be happy, we look for something the world is offering to do it. If we truly believe that the life that Jesus asked us to live is not one of self-indulgence, then why would we be surprised when our teenagers, who have so much in this world, are so bored? Of course their bored! They don't need more toys or more entertainment, or more anything. They need more of God and less of the world, otherwise they will continue to be bored. In the immortal words of Switchfoot, "we were meant for more than this world can offer." That is why the things of this world cannot satisfy our teens or ourselves. We were meant for more. We were meant for God. Anything less will never do; in fact, it will actually draw us father away from what we truly need.

programs... amazing tools or deadly assassins?

2005-09-19T10:21:00.000-06:00

Since so much of our fall programming has been starting up over the past couple of weeks, I have been doing a lot of thinking about programs. The pros are obvious. Programs enable a myriad of ministry opportunities and are great evangelistic tools to help us reach out to our community and unchurched friends. They can also be useful for helping christians connect with one another in this busy world of ours. I should warn you now that this might be a lengthy post... I have been thinking about this for a couple of years!

But, what are these programs doing to our churches? I don't think people often see the big picture when it comes to programming. Most people also have probably never really considered the ultimate purpose of church programs... so, what is the ultimate purpose? Is it to meet people's needs? Is it to keep kids out of trouble? Is to help fix people? Is it to reach out to the lost, helpless, and needy? Is it to provide opportunities for people to serve and use their gifts? Well, yes and no. These are often some of the issues that drive programming (not all of them are healthy motivations), but what is the common purpose, or big picture purpose, for all programming? I believe that the common purpose for all programs is to initiate contact for the purpose of beginning a journey. That contact could be needy or poor people, it could be lost young people, it could be a group of Christian seniors... anyone. As long as the program is being used as a starting point, it is fulfilling it's ultimate purpose. What I mean is that programs are incredibly useful and beneficial as long as they are used in such a way so as to not create a dependency on them. A program that just runs without this purpose in mind will actually do more harm than good.

How can that be? How, for example, can a program that reaches out to teenagers and facilitates incredible results now be harmful? Here is what I have learned from programming. For many churches and Christians programming has stolen the identity of the church. This is very evident when, after a program shuts down for a period, people react by saying things like "the church should not go on holidays" or "God's work doesn't take a break" or "you can't shut down, we need something for our kids" or "the church should not stop doing ministry". When I hear statements like these, I know that programming has become the church to someone, and the person has unwhittingly become addicted or dependant on programming to meet their needs or to meet the needs of others. Thus the program has become a stumbling block for growth and maturity. You see the church is not programming. God's work is not programming. Progamming is not synonamous with ministry. The church is never left behind. When you go on holidays, the church goes with you. People are the church, not programming or buildings or anything else. It's people. Minstry does not stop when programming stops. True ministry happens as you go about your everyday life and are in contact with your co-workers or classmates or friends or when you see a needy person on the street looking for help. Healthy programs help initiate contact and start people on a journey towards independence and the ability to function apart from a program, not the other way around.

Perhaps an anology will help to illustrate what I mean. What if the education program in our province decided not to advance students in knowledge any more, but rather only in age? What if they decided that it was more important to just meet immediate needs instead of preparing kids to graduate? What if this program started creating dependency for kids in such a way that they would have to totally rely on school in order to grow in knowledge and social skills? What would happen to students when they left school? Looking it from another angle, what if parents did not prepare kids to be independent from them? What if parents did not help their children become functional without them? I believe that a program that does not intentionally help a person not to become dependent on it, is harmful. For example, what would happen if teens graduated from our youth ministry because of their age, but did not graduate from their dependency on it for their spiritual and social growth? What if our programs were not used to help teens learn to feed themselves and to think for themselves?

The answer is staring at us in the face. I have read stats that say as high as 80% of teens leave their faith once they go to college or university. Why? Why are so many teens becoming disillusioned with a faith they embraced while in youth group? This is how I see it. Teenagers are graduating out of youth group and becoming completely disillusioned with the church because they have not learned to feed themselves and have not learned that true ministry and service flows from their personal walk with God, not a program. In essence, they have become completely dependent on a program to function as Christians. This is not right; in fact programming that creates dependency is playing a major role in killing the church in North America.

This is why our youth program is set up like it is. This is why I do not mind giving our volunteers a break over the summer from serving in our program. This is why I think it is unhealthy for a program to run continuously without a break. This is why we do not want to steal a teenagers life from them by getting them over-involved in our program. This is why our ministry puts so much emphasis on teens learning to feed themselves spiritually and socially outside the confines of our program. This is why our program is used ultimately to initiate contact for the purpose of helping teenagers towards a journey that will lead them to not need programming to minister to others. And my hope through all of this is that once our teenagers graduate from our ministry in age, they also graduate from needing it. And when they look for another church to be involved in when they go to college, they look for a place primarily to serve rather than a place that will meet their needs.

waves

2005-09-11T00:02:00.000-06:00

One of the things I most love about Cold Lake is the lake itself. Today the waves were quite spectacular. After Nyah and I went for our weekly Saturday morning breakfast, we went to the beach and watched the waves roll in. It was very impressive, and Nyah would tell you so if you were able to understand her garbled sentences. There was even one guy who decided to have some fun in the waves and was out swimming. It certainly did look like fun.

I like the lake mostly because it is like a person, and I like people. It has many moods and I like all of them. The powerful influence of the lake's mood is also not lost on me as I often feel the way the lake does. Today it seemed like the lake was troubled as if it wasn't sure of its future. The sky was a dull grey casting a doubtful and ominous tone to the water. But, in contrast to the lack of color in the water, the grand roar of the waves hitting the shore and the majestic whitecaps playfully topping each other in a never-ending game of tag spoke aloud what the lake was really feeling. The roar seemed to me to be a protest against the coming captivity the water will face in the winter, when the lake's emotions and life becomes cold and frozen and still. Lifeless.

But that is still many months down the road. Right now the lake is still full of life and vigor. What will the morrow bring? Only time will tell, but tonight as I fall asleep I am going to thuroughly enjoy the distant roar of the waves as they chase each other up onto the shore.

giving

2005-09-10T11:26:00.000-06:00

Since I seem to have gravitated to the whole money issue, I thought I might as well keep going. Why is it that when people "give" their tithe or offering or whatever you want to call it, they feel this inherrent urge to control it once it has already been given away? Does not the act of trying to "take back control of a gift" nulify the whole "gift" thing? I have always been under the impression that when you give something away, you give whatever you are giving away as well as giving your ownership of it away. If I was to give someone a car, but decided to keep a set of keys for myself so that I could make sure the person was taking good care of it and maybe even use it if I get in a jam, the person would not feel like I had actually given them the car; in fact, if it was me, I would give the car back - keys and all! If I gave someone a nice toy for their birthday, but told them that I was going to keep it at my house, the person would be very suspicious of whether I was actaully giving them anything - except maybe a headache.

So, back to my original question, why do we do this with our gifts of money to God? I have a few ideas, so, if you don't mind, I'll share them with you! I think the biggest problem is our need for control which arises out of the high value we place on money. If we did not value or love "our" money so much, we would not care so much about how our gifts are used. It seems that if we are going to give God money, we want to make sure that whoever is representing God's finances uses it the way we think it should be used. In short, we give it and then take it back.

Now I understand the need for wise decision-making and good stewardship, but I think those arguments are most often used as way to gain back control of something we've claimed to have given away. It's easy to be suspect of someone else's stewardship when they have different ideas of how to spend given money, or even that they are now controlling "your" money. I used to be very bad for this. I did not want to give to something that I did not know the specifics of. I rarely gave a gift to the church I was attending that wasn't specifically dedicated to something. I wanted to see the results of my giving. I wanted to see some tangible evidence that my sacrifice was not in vain. I wanted to get something back out of my generous act (most likely pride and good feelings about myself). I did not realize until much later that all my arguments were simply ways to justify my love money. Of course, I had no idea that the love of money was the root of it all. I gave quite a bit, often well over a tithe (tithe means 10%). I was generous as I helped people in need and forgave the debts of friends who couldn't (or wouldn't) pay me back. However, what I see now was that I was unwilling to give up my ownership of money that wasn't given to a specific need. I still viewed it as mine, and I didn't even know it. Sometimes I wonder if a majority of people in our churches suffer from the same thing I did. They give their offering but don't want to let go of it. Often, they simply stop giving to areas that they cannot control. The love of money can really run deep within us.

This highlights another problem. We often confuse giving money to God with giving money to the church (as in the local institution). For as long as can remember (until very recently) I always thought that I gave my gift or tithe to the church or to a missionary or some other needy organization or person. Technically, I did; however, I have recently discovered that this belief just fueled my need for control, but when I began to realize that my gift was primarily a sacrifice to God and not the local church organization (even though that is where the gifts went) and not just to the person or need, my need to take back ownership of my gift dissapated. My sacrifice was to God, not our church, and that made a huge difference. It all started making sense. My gift was an expression of my thankfulness of God's provision; an expression of my complete dependence on his provision; a reminder that all I have is God's, not just my gift; an act of generosity that flowed from a Christ-like spirit of generosity; and a sacrifice to God. It only makes sense that the gift is actually given to God as well.

valued ministry = capital gains?

2005-09-09T10:19:00.000-06:00

Something lately has really been bothering me. It's the whole idea that churches need to "invest" the most significant amount of $'s in ministries that will pay for themselves by generating $'s from those benefitting from the ministry (namely through tithes and gifts). I have heard this quite a bit from many different sources including other pastors (especially youth pastors). If you want to get me upset - no, more like furious - tell me that the goals of your church and the main efforts of your church's ministries are to reach out to people who can put something back (namely money) into your church. Where in the world did this idea come from? This is most certainly not how Jesus did ministry; in fact he did the opposite. Has the church bought into the worldly business model so much that we have lost sight of our true goals and purpose in this world?

I think this has a lot to do with my last posts. It seems that we naturally gravitate toward what benefits us the most now (and maybe in the near future). But what about the distant future? What about the big picture implications of making decisions for the Body of Christ based on monetary recovery or gains? How would Jesus react to such decision making? I'm afraid all of us would probably hang our heads in shame about this one (including me because I am not exempt from the influence of monetary benefits influencing my decisions in my youth ministry) because Jesus most certainly did not make decisions about where best to spend his time by how much he would get back. How come so many churches have taken up a cause that Jesus seemed completely opposed to? Why aren't more churches willing to reach out to the people who cannot benefit the church and who cannot add to its affluence?

I think part of the problem lies in our misconception of who provides for the church. If you were to ask most people who provided for the church, their first response would be the tithers. Sounds right, doesn't it? No way! If I was to attribute everything that I have and make from my employer, it would be like slapping God in the face. My provision comes from God and God alone. He is the one who is responsible for every single thing I have and am - including the very air that I breathe. Most Christians would be quick to agree with me. So, why is it that when it comes to the church, suddenly humans are responsible for it's provisions and not God? I believe with all my heart that God, not tithers, provides for his Church. God is not hindered by a lack of funds. If God wants something to happen, HE will provide. Now, it may be through people in the church, yet it is essential to realize that it is God who provides, not people.

So, why has this been bothering me? Well, youth ministries are usually the first ones to take the heat when a church starts losing sight of what ministry is about. When it comes time to make budget decisions about funds for ministries, the first one to get cut is usually youth. Why? Because they do not generate income for the church. Everything that goes into youth ministry disappears and does not return. It's a money sucker.

So why do we continue to put money into it? Because the purpose of ministry is to invest in people for people's sakes. Our youth ministry is very intentional about investing in youth. Pretty much everything we do is an investment for the future. Now is it going to benefit our local church? It may, in the future and maybe even a little now in areas of service, but more than likely we will not see it here. Rather the benefits will be to universal Church after they become adults. We hope that the investment we are making now will help make these young people into true Christ followers and God seekers.

I am very happy with our church and it's leadership. Our church has been such a strong supporter of youth ministry that I am often taken aback by how much our church invests in it's youth. It is so stressful for YP's when a church has misconceptions about what it's supposed to be doing and who it should be reaching. Of course, our church is a long way from perfect, but I am very proud of our progress and our focus. I hope that we can continue to progress in this area.

the good news... or bad news part 2

2005-09-02T23:54:00.000-06:00

So... I've been thinking about some of the ramifications of not realizing how poor we are as humans. It seems that for the economically rich it is a hard thing to accept. Being poor is a dirty word to someone with worldly wealth and is something in which most north americans are desperately trying to avoid... at all cost. So, I have a few observations that may or may not be true. You can decide for yourself.

One of my biggest concerns is the gospel itself and how a rich person communicates the gospel with another rich person (we are talking purely economics here). This is what I have observed in the North American church through a variety of means. It seems that the N.A. church has targeted primarily the wealthy and middle class. I think it has to do with an image problem that the church has bought into about appearing as though we "have it all together" as well as a faith problem as people want "tithers" who make good money to become Christians, not poor people who are in need of assistance. But that's for another blog. I want to focus on how the gospel, which was originally preached as good news for the poor, has been transformed into good news for the rich.

In order to see how we have changed the message, we must first take a look at some of the things the church has bought into. I believe that consumerism is one of the greatest culprits that has found it's way into our spiritual lives. It seems that many (not all, for sure) in our churches feel that we need to convince people that they need God for the sake of making a bigger church so we can offer more services. Seems a little shadey to me; in fact, it appears that consermerism or the "feed me" mentality has infiltrated the Church (at least in N.A.) big time. Instead of focusing on serving others, our focus has done a one eighty and is now about being fed (or being served). That is a consumer. If you have ever heard yourself complain that somehow the church is not feeding you enough or is not meeting your needs, you my friend, are a spiritual consumer. You may even do your part in serving, but in the end the bottom line is whether or not you get fed and you get satisfaction. And even if there is serving going on in the church, we are usually just serving ourselves! How selfish is that when billions of people need the church to step up and serve them? And not just through the verbal message of the gospel, but through love. That was Jesus' main command... love other people. I have a funny feeling that God is not very happy about this, and I'll be the first to admit that I have fallen into the trap repeatedly. How? I think it generally happens when I do not recognize my worldly concepts and attitudes and transfer them into all other areas of my life (we have to admit that we all are consumers here in N.A. - about half of the enitre global market is consumed in N.A. alone even though we only make up less than 7% of the earth's population).

This is the type of mindset we bring the gospel into in N.A. So, how does one communicate a message to a rabid consumer? The same way we communicate all our messages and advertisements in our culture... marketing! What's wrong with that you say? Well, when you market something, your intention is to convince someone that they need your product. Now there is nothing wrong with that, because people do need Jesus and it is important to help them understand that. However, the danger with marketing the gospel is that we fail to communicate all of it, because it is very hard to sell someone the idea that your product will cost him everything he has - including his very life. In truth (and I am super guilty of this) the focus of our message has been on what we get out of it and how it benefits us. Rarely have I communicated during a gospel presentation that becoming a follower of Christ means denying yourself and carrying a big heavy cross with lots of slivvers. It means giving up all your earthly possessions and desires and replacing them with a desire for God only. It means that everything you own and are is nom longer yours, but Gods. It means becoming poor and needy and desperate in this life so that we can recognize our utter poverty and desperation in the light of eternity and the spiritual realm. Of course, it also mean faith, hope and love and a chance to become what you were created to be... a person in relationship with his Creator. The upside is incredible, but should never be the only side we communicate. I believe to do otherwise is to deceive our listeners.

But do you see where I am coming from? If we simply market the gospel, we neuter it! And not only that, we put ourselves under this incredible pressure to "convince" people of their need of God. Isn't that God's job? Is not our job to simply communicate the message - a message of hope and love and forgiveness and personal sacrifice? Have we, in an attempt to convince people of their need, made the gospel so complicated that the average Joe feels completely incompetent to communicate the gospel? I have observed that the more I teach our youth evangelism techniques and strategies (like contagious christian) the more incompetent and unsure of themselves they become. It's very odd, because you would think that after so much education, our teens would have far more competence and assurance in delivering the message. Not true. It has simply made what used to be very simple into something that is very complicated with all this stuff that you have to remember (of course I still see the course as being very useful, but only to a certain type of person). After hearing this from a few of our youth, I had to assuure them that they did not need to remember all the strategies and right things to say. They needed to rely on the Holy Spirit and that meant not trying to convince someone, but rather just relaying the message and showing love to that person. It was never our job to convict. Why start now?

So how does this fit in with a gospel of good news for the poor? Well, in an attempt to make the gospel attractive to N.A. (economically rich people) we have tried to keep things like self-sacrifice and denying yourself and giving up all that we have on the down-low, because let's face it, these things simply do not appeal to people who have a lot here on this earth.

Well, that's my 5 cents. I think there's some truth in there somewhere, but again, I am in process here trying to sort all this out in my mind. Hopefully it was understandible. Sorry for the length again too. It's just hard to stop when I get going.

good news... or bad news?

2005-08-31T10:32:00.000-06:00

Over the past few months (ever since our youth leaders retreat in June) I have been thinking a lot about Jesus and his thoughts on the poor and how he treated them. Since I am preaching this Sunday, I might use this for my sermon, but I haven't decided yet. Anyway this whole thing got started by a passage of Scripture that I was nailed by as our youth leaders and I went through what's called "Lectio Divina". Basically, Lectio Divina is a type of devotional, more like a personal communion with God, that focuses on contemplation of Scripture and the Holy Spirit who speaks to you through it. You start by reading and continue until the Holy Spirit speaks to you. You then procede to pray and comtemplate on what God has just placed on your heart. For me it was a shocking conviction that being poor was an essential part of Jesus' message, and that I certainly was not poor nor did I feel or act poor - or so I thought. This is the passage that God spoke to me through.
Luke 4:16-19
He [Jesus] went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
What really hit me was that Jesus said his message of good news was to the poor, the oppressed, the prisoners, and to the blind. Basically, it seems that his message was good news to those we would often label as the "degenerates" of our society. I was smitten by the knowledge that I was none of these things. Was God's message of good news for me too? If so, how? At the time all I could think of was the rich young ruler who, when he boatsed that he had kept all of God's commands, was challenged by Jesus to give away all he had and follow him. The young man hung his head and walked away, unwilling to give up his "riches" to follow Jesus. I wondered if it had been me Jesus asked, would I have done the same as the rich young man? Would I have given up all I had to follow him? It was then that I realized that Jesus had already asked me that. It was part of the decision to follow him.

So, I started thinking about the good news, and how the poor would receive this great news in comparison to how the rich would receive it. What I soon discovered was that perhaps what was good news to the poor was actually bad news for the rich. I started thinking about how the our society is so afluent and rich that we do not need God. Even our poor are not nearly as poor as the poor in 3rd world countries. How could I, a rich and free north american (if you have running water, hot showers, and a car, you would be considered very rich by most of the world), understand a message that was directed to the poor and oppressed? Is the reason the gospel is scoffed at and resisted so strongly in our society because we are not poor? Is it because we think we have so very much to give up? When a rich person thinks about the pearl of great price or the treasure hidden in the field that one would sell everything to get, how huge must that pearl or treasure be to be worth giving up so much? That would be one honking big pearl! Really, kind of a hard pill to swallow for a rich person.

So, my conclsion was that I decided I must "become" poor in order to become "elligible" to receive the good news as good news. This meant that I had to start thinking differently about what the word "poor" meant. So far I have used the word "poor" to refer to an economic state of being. I did not realize that Jesus may have not been talking about econmics until I became very puzzled by a pslam of David when he cried out to the Lord that he was poor and needy. How could a king be poor and needy? It dawned on me that economics was not the main thrust of Jesus' message. Being poor, therefore, was poor in spirit as mentioned in the beatitudes by Jesus. The next questions was "how does one become poor in spirit?"

I struggled for some time with this. I had heard many sermons and read books on the sermon on the mount, but nothing satisfied me. They all seemed to be missing something. The next leg of my quest to become poor came with the realization that I alreday was poor. If one of things a follower of Jesus must do before following him was give up everything, then I had nothing. I was poor, for I had given my life to Jesus. That meant that it was no longer I who owned my life, my body, my mind, my soul, my possessions, my family, my money, or anything else. It all belonged to God. I was elated with this revelation (although obvious to most others I'm sure) that I truly was poor!

However, although I thought my journey was over, it was not. I decided to talk to Tom about what I had been thinking. As I was telling him all about my thoughts and discoveries and how it was essential for us to "become" poor, he responded by telling me that we cannot "become" poor at all. He said that we were already poor to begin with and that I was still looking at the word "poor" as an economic state. He continued to say that humans can either ackwoledge their poverty or deny it, but they are all poor and needy. I did not comprehend it at first and I asked "what about the rich, how can they be poor?" He reponded by saying that I was also thinking of riches in econmic terms. It finally dawned on me that perhaps the economic riches of this world are not real riches. Maybe they are just an illusion of richness and true wealth is found only in the kingdom of God rather than in the kingdom of men. Imagine that, it almost sounds scriptural! How could I have missed it?

Humans really do not have anything. We are poor and wretched and not deserving or worthy of God and all his richness. We came from dust and to dust we will return. Our lives are but a breath and then we are gone. We brought nothing into the world and we can take nothing from it. We cannot control our health or keep ourselves from disease. Our bodies grow old and weak and eventually will die. We can build up great economic wealth, but we must leave it behind for someone else to squander. In all our afluence we are completely destitute. We have nothing and God has offered us everything- even a sense of great worth and purpose in this life and an incredible gift of eternal life with him in the next. What a great deal!

I am still on the journey for understanding here for I am sure there is much more to find. What I have discovered, or better yet been reminded of, is that a person must come to grips with the fact that he or she is poor and acknowledge it before coming to Christ. It is the very heart of his message and unless we come to him broken, needy, poor, and weak we cannot come to him at all.

holidays part 1

2005-08-28T15:15:00.000-06:00

Well, I suppose with all the whining I should give an update about what's happening in Cold Lake these days (hahaha... that was for my sister), but first I guess I'll fill you in on our holiday to Winnipeg. For those of you who don't know I officiated my sister-in-law's wedding (why else would anyone want to go to winnipeg? hahaha...). The wedding went very well mostly due to the masterful organizational skills of my little sister(-in-law). Although it was stressful being my first wedding and all, it ended up being a lot of fun. I enjoyed the ceremony, and it felt good to get one under my belt. I won't be nearly as stressed before the next one. I am really glad about the guy she married too. I think she picked a good one and I am looking forward to the extra bit of testosterone at the Kwan ranch for family gatherings. Here are a couple of pics from the wedding. I must say that Renee looks amazing! She is a very beautiful girl.

holidays part 2

2005-08-28T15:14:00.000-06:00

On our way to winnipeg we stopped in at my sister's house and visited her family for a couple of days. It was a good visit as I always enjoy the company and conversation with both Rick and Shuana. I was also very pleased to have been able to visit with my 2 nephews and niece as well. When you only see them once a year, it amazing how much they change. It was a real treat living in Regina when I did because it doesn't seem like you're missing out on seeing them grow up like it does now. Dallas is a basketball junkie with dreams of making it to the big time, Colan is a soccer star who is looking forward to playing at a higher calibre next season, and Sarah (who is now in grade 2 already!) has that sparkle of mischief in her eye and one of the best smiles on the planet. I must say that Shuana and Rick have definitely done a great job raising their kids. I only wish we could see them more often! Here are some pics of our travels...

While we were at Shuana and Rick's place, basically we only saw Nyah's bckside as all she did all day long was play with Sarah's old Kitchen set. She absolutely loved it! She would put stuff in the cabnets and then take it out. She did this same routine all day. Here is the scene of the crime as we saw it...

On our way back from Winnipeg we visited our good friend Bill Hodson. He is doing pretty well and Nyah and the boys hit it off. Nyah, James, and Andrew were all great buddies at one time (as good of a buddy as you can be at their ages!) and it did not take long for the three to get used to one another being there. It was really good to see Bill and to see that Jim and Vegas are taking good care of him and the boys. We would have liked to visit longer but all good things come to an end and we had to make the trek back to Cold Lake.

It rained, no poured, all the way home, but I didn't mind because I had to be in the truck all day anyway. What was really nice was the weather back in Cold Lake. It has been an incredble few days of hot sunshiney weather; infact, I have not even seen a cloud since Thursday. I hope the weather holds out because I am not ready to say good-bye to summer yet!

sweet to the max

2005-08-14T23:10:00.000-06:00

Whew! What a week! This year's Sr Teen Camp was one of those camps you only hear about, but are never part of. It was incredible. God did some pretty neat stuff the lives of almost every teenager there. It was very encouraging. On the last night our camp fire lasted until 1:30am as teen after teen poured their heart out and spoke of how God had spoken to them at camp this week. At the first camp fire, I felt God leading me to challenge the kids to seek God with all their hearts for that week, and to put aside all the other distractions and focus on finding God. I told them that even though the Bible tells us we need to find God, it is not God who hides. It is us. God is always there ready to be found. We are the ones who must come out of hiding. Pretty much every kid told God that they wanted to find him that week. God did not disappoint them.

One of the things that I noticed at camp was this incredible effort by pretty much every teen there to show love and acceptance to everyone else. Even the teens who were normally outcasts were accepted and loved by all. It was pretty amazing. Even the teens who were struggling through some major issues were surrounded by other teens who laid their hands on them and prayed for them. I ended up being an innocent bystander.

What I saw this week was an example of how the church should function, and it was teenagers who showed me this. If half the adults in our churches could live like these teens, you can bet the church in N.A. would be a formidable force and a radiant light blazing in our dark contenent. I encourged the teens on the last night by telling them this and challenged them to take what they learned and put into action in their regular lives. The world is supposed to know the church by its love. Funny, that most of the unchurched people I know seem to think th exact opposite. Maybe that will cahnge in the next generation!

This will be my last post for a couple of weeks as we are off to winnipeg tomorrow for jeamie's sister's wedding (which, btw, I am doing). We will be stopping over in regina for a couple of days to visit shuana, rick, dallas, colan, and sarah. It should be a good trip! On the way back we will be stopping to visit our good friend Bill Hodson and the boys as well as Jim and Vegas. We are looking forward to seeing them as well. Have a great week!

daja vu

2005-08-07T07:17:00.000-06:00

I have no idea how to spell the above word, but I'm sure you know what I mean. Wow, what a week. It was so incredibly busy I have barely had time to change my clothes and brush my teeth let alone blog. Why so busy? Well, camp is once again just around the corner and I have been preparing for it like crazy; however, unlike every other camp I have gone to, I did not go aerly to get things ready for I am dedicating a baby in the Sunday Service and giving a short communion message. I feel totally unprepared as I have not had time to invest in any kind of sermon, but the good news is, I am not going to preach (hahaha... however, when I get going, this may prove to be untrue!). I've decided to do a short talk about my thoughts on God's faithfulness, as expressed in an earlier blog. It was our courageous secretary to the rescue as it was her suggestion that I do this! Thanks Verna!

Why daja vu? Because it's off to camp again for the rest of the week! I am very excited for Sr Teen Camp this year, and I think it is going to be a good one. Although I do not feel prepared because being there Saturday night is so important for that, I am sure that once I get there, I will settle in quickly.

So, my next blog will be a recap of camp and I am anticipating that it will be entiltled "sweet x2" (my last camp recap was simply entitled "sweet"). See ya in a week!

one

2005-08-03T23:54:00.000-06:00

Today was Nyah's first birthday and she is exactly one... unless you count how old you are by how many birthday parties you've had. Then she's three! It doesn't seem very long ago that Nyah entered our lives and we got to meet her for the first time, and I guess a year is not that long. But Nyah made a couple into a family, and that changed a lot of things around here, and I think for the better. Being a family is a pretty cool thing.

I still remember the first thoughts that raced through my mind as I watched the little squirt come into this cold world from her warm little cubby hole. She did not really want to leave it too much and protested the only way a baby can... by not coming out! But she eventually made it out and was warmly welcomed by a couple of very excited first-time parents.

I did not know that I was expecting a boy, and I was stunned when the doctor announced "it's a girl"! My mind went blank for a few seconds and I thought that perhaps I had heard wrong. For some unknown reason my subconscious self had fully expected the arrival of a son. It was not to be, and my mind slowly began to function again like a squeeky wheel that just received a good shot of oil.

My first thoughts, once my brain recovered from it's 2 second lapse, were quite humourous. They went something like this...
"A girl?" I said to myself.
"What am I going to do with a girl?"
And milliseconds later, "and, how am I going to keep the boys away!?"

How fortunate we were to have had Nyah. She is really quite incredible; therefore, this post is dedicated to her for being the best daughter I ever had! Happy Birthday, Nyah!!!

2005-08-03T23:53:00.000-06:00

birthday at the farm

2005-08-03T23:52:00.000-06:00

birthday party number 3

2005-08-03T23:51:00.000-06:00

now there's a pretty face... you see why I'm worried?

2005-08-03T23:50:00.000-06:00

this is her "kissing" face

2005-08-03T23:49:00.000-06:00

mmmm... this shirt tastes good!

the great dilemma

2005-07-21T22:14:00.000-06:00

Have you ever wondered how people throw away their trash cans? Hahaha... if you thought this was one of my deeper thoughts, sorry for leading you on with my title. Hmmmm... maybe this is as deep as I get? ;) Seriously though (well not really seriously), how does one go about throwing out their old trash can? We inherited this old beat up trash can when we moved into our house and we have been using it every once in a while when we have too much garbage. However, recently it seems to have taken some extra kicks, and I can't even stuff a garbage bag in it any more, and the lid will no longer fit the rim. If I put garbage in it, the birds will scatter it everywhere.

So, I got to thinking, what must one do in order to communicate that ones trash can is now trash? I have left it empty and put it out with the other garbage to see if it would mysteriously disappear. Alas, it has survived. The garbage dudes probably keep wondering why this old empty can keeps getting in the way of them collecting real garbage. Maybe they think the guy who lives in this house is a little nuts and puts imaginary garbage in his cans so he can compete with all the other guys on the block... you know, the one with the most garbage wins (or something ton that effect). So, if you know me, you know I have a plan. Tomorrow, which is garbage day, I am planning to put a sign on the can saying "please take me, I'm garbage". I wonder if the garbage dudes will laugh and give it a good kick before moving on to the next house, leaving my garbage on my lawn in the form of an obese beat up old tin can. Hmmmm... only time will tell.

So, in my humble opinion, this is the true "great dilemma". I have never tried to throw out a garbage can before, have you? Anyway, I just figured it was kind of a humorous thought. And sorry for wasting 5 minutes of your life that you will never get back... hehehe...

can god cheat on us?

2005-07-19T09:04:00.000-06:00

Over the past week my friend Kyle and I have been delving into the faithfulness of God, and it has been quite interesting. I have never really contemplated indepth on this attribute of God. The reason it was at the forefront of our thoughts was because Kyle was preaching on God's faithfulness this past Sunday. I have not received an update on how it went, but I am sure it went very well for he gave me the play-by-play Saturday night, and it sounded really good. So, I am not sure whose thoughts are whose because we aired out a whole lot of them throughout the week, but I will write as if they are mine, for if they were not before, they are now! Thanks Kyle!

What does it mean for God to be faithful? In the past I have most often associated God's faithfulness with things like providing for me and my family, coming through when I needed him, answering my prayers, seeing teens decide to follow Jesus at our events, having successful outreaches and effective evangelism, and so on. BUT, if none of these things happened, if I was hungry and God did not provide me with food (there are 27 000 people a day who die of starvation - some of them are Christians), if God did not help me when I was in need of help (many people die each day from cancer, murder, accidents, martyrdom - many are Christians), if God does not answer my prayers, if our outreach event fails to have even one person make a decision for Christ, is God still faithful? After thinking about it, I had to say "yes" for the only alternative is that God is unfaithful, or to use the metaphor of a marriage to define our relationship with God as he does, God cheats on us.

Sounds wierd doesn't it? But I believe we are often guilty of accusing God of this very thing. I think that the problem arises in our definition of faithfulness. When we try to define God's faithfulness by our own situation or by results, we miss the big picture of God's faithfulness and our definition is in error. The common denominator in such definitions is "me". Is God faithful to me and my situation and my efforts? This, I'm afraid, is the wrong question. When things do not end up as we wanted, it is not God's faithfulness that is at stake; rather, it is our own perception of who God is that is at fault.

So, what does it mean then? I believe God's faithfulness can only be defined with the bigger picture in sight. God is faithful to his purpose... to reconcile humankind to himself. This was proven through God's incredible act of love on the cross as he offered himself as the redeeming sacrifice for our sins. Reconciliation through redemption. God is faithful to his promises. God is not dishonest (which is the alternative to him not being faithful to his promises) and will stay true to his word. This is seen in God's fulfilled promise to Abraham to bless all nations through him (he was the ancestor of Jesus) and is directly related to his purpose of reconciliation. God is faithful to his people. God's chosen people (Israel and now also the Church) are the people with whom God has fulfilled his purpose and kept his promises. They are the benefactors of God's faithfulness in that they have been partially, yet completely without condemnation, reconciled with him already, and will be fully reconciled with God after the resurrection and judgement when we will be with him in our new and glorious state.

Can God still be faithful to me? Of course! But, we must always remember that God's faithfulness is far bigger than us and our situations and definitions. He does not answer to us, but rather we to him. We can still attribute blessings to God's faithfulness, but only in light of the bigger picture, and only if we are ready to also attribute hardship, suffering, and poor results to God's faithfulness as well. For God is faithful despite results and despite the apparent contradiction of our personal situations. Paul says in Philippians that God is faithful even when we are faithless. God's faithfulness does not depend on us. It depends on him.

sweet

2005-07-18T10:18:00.000-06:00

Once again Jr Teen Camp proved to be an incredible week. The weather was amazing, the kids were great, the speaker was fantastic, the counselors and other staff were stupendous, and the food - well let's just say it was immaculate. Anyone who has been to belleview bible camp knows just how incredible the food is, but this year it was even better. Replacing the not-so-anticipated mac and cheese night was an extra roast beef dinner. Mmmmm... roast beef. This camp has been very spoiled by the presence of caterer ben bosgra. Oh ya, the rest of camp was good too!

We really changed things up this year and I think it was for the better. We did chapels in the mornings instead of in the evenings which gave us more time to play our amazing "spy games" after supper. Although the games were a little too complicated at first for jr highers, they finally caught on and had a lot of fun. The games were progressive and were in a sort of "story" form. We are planning to beef them up for Sr Teen with more of a continuing story type undercuurent. It should be really good. We also axed the workshops in the morning just to see if they would be missed. It seems that it was the right thing to do, for I see now that they were in part responsible for wearing out our counselors too much. We also implemented a point system and 8 teams (all were different world spy agencies) for the week. Pretty much everything the kids did all week was rewarded with points. I think we will continue this for jr camp in the future as it proved to be an effective tool to motivate the kids.

As always, God seems to use this camp to help jr highers, counselors and other staff connect with him in an extraordinary way. I must say that I was very proud of our Jr Counselors, many of whom were counseling for the first time, as they did a great job. I am looking forward to them serving in leadership when our Youth Program gears up again. Also, there were 15 or 16 kids who decided that they wanted to start the journey of following Jesus. To say the least, it was very exciting! Our goal now is to plug these young people into our youth ministry and church to help them on this new journey they have begun. If you are the praying sort, praying for these kids to get plugged into our youth ministry and continue on the journey they have recently started or recommitted to would be great!

There are many words which one could use to describe such a great week, but I decided that the only way to describe such a good week was with a single syllable word: sweet. It truly was a sweet week!

a camping we will go...

2005-07-09T07:31:00.000-06:00

Well, Jr Teen Camp is at hand as we will be going out to camp today to set things up and prepare for a rowdy bunch of jr highers. We are still short a cook or two, but at least camp can still run. I just feel a bit sorry for the cooks we have for they will be facing a very big job if we do not find help.

I think this camp is going to be a lot of fun. The theme is all about spies, espionage, and secret agent type stuff. The kids are even going to receive a passport when they arrive and take a passport photo. The passport will also be their camp booklet.

Since I will be away for the next week or so, there will be no more blogs for a while. I am sure there are not too many of you who will be that disappointed! See you in a week!

canada day in cold lake

2005-07-05T23:35:00.000-06:00

It was a nice Canada day here in Cold Lake as the sun was shining and the temperature was just right. We spent part of the day taking in the festivities, but it was a little too hot out to keep Nyah in the sun for very long, so we did not spend the whole day outside. I know that Canada Day was a few days ago already, but I decided to put some photos on because nyah is just so cute!!! Besides, I can't think of anything clever to say because my mind is totally comsumed with jr teen camp right now. However, now that we have a couple of cook helpers, I am feeling at least a tiny bit less stressed. For those of you who didn't know, Jr Teen Camp begins this Sunday! It should be great week.

Later that evening we went to Jen and Trevor's rehersal dinner. It poured rain for about 30 minutes and then the sun came out and we have some very good BBQ burgers. The wedding went well too. Everyone I talk to seems to think it was one of the best ones they've been to. I'm not sure, but maybe it was. All weddings seem the same to me (hahaha... what a guy thing to say). But I did have my first go at being an MC. It went pretty well because everyone seemed to laugh at my jokes... of course it could be that they felt sorry for me and wanted to make we feel better. They also may have just been laughing at me. But in any case, I don't really care because I had fun!

2005-07-05T23:34:00.000-06:00

don't mess with me, buddy

2005-07-05T23:33:00.000-06:00

daddy's girl

2005-07-05T23:32:00.000-06:00

at the lake

2005-07-05T23:30:00.000-06:00

hey, don't take my picture!

2005-07-05T23:28:00.000-06:00

preparing for the festivities

some thoughts on comparing

2005-07-03T08:34:00.000-06:00

I have grown up in a society that uses comparison as way to measure pretty much everything. I think it all started before I was able to comprehend what the word "compare" even meant. Why is this so ingrained within us? When I was in grade school, it was grades that determined who was better than the other - who stood apart from the rest. It was these same grades that determined who was the least intelligent - who, as the lesser, also stood apart from the rest, but in a negative way. On the play ground I chose my friends by comparing their coolness and desirability to the others. I wanted to be friends with the coolest people, not those who were rejected by my peers or looked down upon with disdain (again only because they had been labelled as less desirable by an invisible system of comparison). I made fun of the less desirables, those who did not measure up to our archaic and simplitic system of sorting out worth from worthless, and thought of myself as better than them. Making fun of the less desirables only caused myself to believe that I was actually better or more valuable then they were.

I was in grade 4. I remember making fun of a girl so badly that great tears would well up in her big brown eyes as she would desperately try to stop herself from crying. This, of course, would only make it worse. It was our cue to push a little bit harder. Then when she could not contain her dispare any longer, the flood of tears would be unleashed in uncontrolable sobs. Of course, we considered this to be a great victory for that was the goal. How terrible is that? I am so ashamed of myself for the way I treated Trena. I am so glad that my teacher told my Dad. You could say that he was a wee bit upset about the whole thing. My punishment almost killed me, for I had to apologize to Trena. I could think of nothing worse, nothing more degrading and humiliating, than having to put myself beneath this person whom I had considered so low and apologize. Yet it was that simple yet incredibly difficult act that helped me see more clearly. It helped me see Trena for the valuable person she was, and it was immediately after my apology that I realized that I actually did not hate this girl at all; in fact, I could not understand why I had thought of her the way I did. It didn't make sense to me. My plan was to just say the words "I'm sorry", not meaning it of course, and then just ignore her, but it seems God had other plans for me. I was genuinely nice to trena for the rest of the school year.

In college the comparing increases tenfold. High marks become much more important. Without the good marks, your choices become limited. But, there is more to it. Again, society is setting up a way to measure us and provide a way for us to know who is better and who is worse; who is more valuable and who is less valuable; and who is worth much and who is worthless. It causes us to rejoice in the failures of others and to celebrate our own success at the cost of others. I remember going to check my final marks while attending Mount Royal in Calgary. As I scanned the list of marks, I saw that I had received the only "A" in the class. This, of course, made me very proud and gave me a feeling of superiority over my classmates. I actually glad that I had received the only A. How incredibly selfish! I was glad that others had not done well because it singled me out and set me apart.

Comparisons follow us into the work place. It is hard to find someone who, without envy or covetiveness, truly enjoys the sucesses and rewards of others, is it not? Can we enjoy the fact that someone else gets a promotion that we may have wanted? Can we truly be genuinely glad that someone who "didn't need it" won something that they did not deserve? Can we be happy for our co-worker who gets a raise when we think we have deserved it more? How many times have you heard someone exclaim "that's not fair!!!" Is it possible to say this without comparing? These are tough questions and are even tougher to put into action.

The church is not without it's own comparisons. We pastors compare our ministries with other pastors. We grade ourselves by what others have achieved (even though it was God who did it and not them). We measure our effectiveness by how effective others are in their churches. We compare the size of our youth groups or congregations with others. And our congregations do the same. They compare their pastor with the pastor down the way. They compare our ministries with what the church accross town is offerring. They compare how well our pastor preaches with how well the pastor in another church preaches. They compare our low numbers with large number of the church on church ave and decide that for them to be so big, they must be doing something right! Of course, this believe also makes the assumption that our church must be doing something wrong. But how can we tell unless we compare ourselves with others?

Where does it end? I think God is fed up with our obsession of comparing ourselves with everyone else. I think God wants us to stop thinking in terms of better and worse, superior and inferior, more and less. I think God works on a completely different system that does not ever use comparison. I think that is why he makes us all different with different gifts and talents. It all makes me wonder about our obsession with "measurable goals". By what criteria can we measure if not by comparison? I don't know. Maybe, just maybe, some goals cannot be measured, but rather just simply strived for. Maybe measuring everything instead of a few essentials actually works against us in the long run. Maybe God has something special and unique just for us because he is not into the comparing game. Maybe. I don't know.

contentment

2005-07-02T10:10:00.000-06:00

How does one become content with the life one has been given? It seems that contentment is a hard thing to come by these days. One of my friends blogged about complaining, so you could say that he inspired me to write about what I have been thinking a lot about lately that is closely related... being content with who, where, what, and how I am and all that I have been given... and what I have not been given. One of the sayings of Paul that has always intrigued me and inspired me is: "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction."

Why is it that this line of thinking is so completely foreign to me (and everyone else I know)? It seems that we've all bought into the world's idea of contentment which is summed up in one word, more... or, the longer version and probably more self-revealing, I need more than what I have. I really want to be content, not because I have so much, but because this is the attitude of someone who has fully come to own (not just realize or know) that everything one has and is has been given to him/her. Our families, our spouse, our place/country of birth, our house, all our possessions, our children, our talents, our giftings, our intelligence (or lck thereof... hehehe), our relationships, our work, and our very lives and the air that we breathe was given to us. Sometimes I get the feeling that I am the prodigal son who is completely discontent with everything and wants to to take everything that isn't his to begin with and squander it. The prodigal son is probably one of the most poignant images of discontentment in the Bible.

I think the problem of contentment/discontentment is based on a few key misconceptions about life. One is that I deserve what I have, and somehow I am owed more. The second is that I constantly compare what I have or don't have with what others have or don't have. Both of these mindsets are terribly destructive and not at all the type of thinking that God desires of us.

I think the only way to become content is to own the fact that I do not deserve what I have been given and that I am not owed anything by anyone... especially God. The person who thinks they deserve more will never be satisfied with more and will inevitably become bitter whether or not more is given, because, in the immortal words of James Bond, "the world is not enough". I do not want to be this person. I want to own the fact that all I have has been given simply because God chose to give it to me. I do not want to have the destructive attitude that God owes me something.

Comparing... this is the real tough one. I think it is what fuels pretty much all discontentment, and if one delves deep enough, comparing will often be the root of the problem. It is almost impossible not to compare what we have or have not with others. When we compare what we have with those who have more, we run the risk of becoming filled with envy. We want what they have, and afterall, it's only fair that we have what they have, is it not? On the flip-side, we then compare ourselves with those who have less. Often I do this in an attempt to be happy and thankful for what I have. But I think this is destructive too. Why does it make me happy and thankful to have what others do not? Because I have something that someone else does not. Can you see how this is just wrong? This does not bring contentment. It brings me sense of "I am better" and/or a sense of guilt because I have more. Often preachers will use this type of comparing (I have myself) to highlight how much we have and how much we need to help others, but I am not sure this actually helps anything. We shouldn't be giving because of guilt or because we have more. Generosity is simply supposed to be the result of Christ's work in our life to become more like him, not because of how much more we have.

I know this is getting long, but I must tell a quick story to illustrate my point. When I was in Indonesia, we (our team) were invited to have a meal by an extremely poor family. They set out an incredible feast for us that was simply amazing; however, although it was so good, it was the hardest meal I have ever eaten. What I mean is that this feast was going to cost a family of 10 incredible hardship and pain, yet knowing the cost, they still gave all that they could. The mssionary told us after that the sacrifice this family had given us was that they would go hungry for quite some time, possibly weeks, before they would have enough food to feed their family. I was struck with the generosity displayed, not because they gave so much, but simply because it was completely foreign to me. I had always been taught that one gave to those in need because one had more, not that one who was in need also needed to give to the one who had more. How could I have been so misguided? My belief that I needed to give simply because I had so much was not right, and the Indonesian family exposed this faulty way of thinking. I know that for those who have been given much, much more is expected, but perhaps I had misunderstood why. Would I offer the only food I had in my house to a guest who was rich knowing that my wife and little girl would not eat for a few days?

I believe that contentment, thankfulness and generosity should not come from comparing at all, but rather, from our love for God. I want to have a spirit of generosity that arises out of my desire to please God. I want to be content, not because I have more than many others, but because my eyes are set on Jesus and my heart desires him alone. I want to be content because I know that my contentment does not come from what I have or do not have. Then perhaps one day I will be able to say with Paul "for to live is Christ, and to die is gain".

it was the best of weeks... it was the worst of weeks...

2005-06-27T11:06:00.000-06:00

Last week was very interesting. My parents came up to witness my rather over-done ordination service (at least that's the way I felt about it) and it seems that the cold drizzly weather of Grande Prairie followed them here; however, much to my delight, it also followed them back home! What started out as a cool blustery week turned into a few of the nicest (about 30 degree) days.

Why the best of weeks? Well, to start with having a few gorgeously sunny and warm days was a most welcome feature of this week. The best part of all is that I was able to utilize these days to the fullest by being outside. The other great thing about this week was that I was able to spend the entire week with people. I don't usually get to do this as often as I would like because when our programs are running full-swing they take up a majority of my time. Being with people, not training, discipling, organizing, or other agenda type things, however, is why I entered full-time ministry in the first place. I love being with people. Talking, building relationship, listening (although I don't do as well in listening), chatting about life and its hardships and struggles, talking about issues of faith and how they can be lived out in practical life, and just generally and genuinely loving people is what enables me to endure the heavy burden of leadership in the church. This week I was free to be able to do this and it was great!

Why the worst of weeks? It's odd, but as fondly as I look back on this past week, I cannot in all honesty say it was simply the best of weeks for mixed in with the best was a little of the worst. You see, the battery on my motor bike has been dying now for a couple of years and every time I take it out I have to boost it. Since it was so beautiful out, the urge to take my bike out for a cruise was inevitable. So, as I have so many times before, I hooked up my charger to boost my bike... only something wasn't right. Within seconds I realized I had mixed up the positive and negative terminals, and in a desperate attempt to correct my error I pulled the clamps off in a shower of sparks. I tried doing it correctly, but to no avail. The bike did not even make a sound.

So, it was off to Canadian Tire for a new battery, which cost me $100 that I don't have, and back to the bike. There was still time for a nice ride, for at 9:00p it was still 27 degrees outside. My high spirits, however, plummeted back to earth when the new battery did nothing for my crippled hog. I had cooked something inside.

Why the worst of weeks? The worst parts were not over. I went fishing the next day with one of our new youth leaders at Ethel Lake, and it was great! I have not been fishing for some time and it reminded me how much I enjoy it. It also reminded me of the many trips to Two Lakes that I had growing up in Beaverlodge. We fished for the entire afternoon in our kayaks, but unfortunately the fish must have known we were coming for we barely registered a bite. So, to end off the day, we put our rods behind us and decided to take a little tour up the river. When we got to the bridge, the river sped up substantially. Chris (the guy I was with) said he had gone far enough and didn't want to risk the rapidly flowing water because of his broken ankle (which was in a cast). So, as not to be completely outdone by nature that day, Andrew and I decided to take a run at it. We made it as far as the beaver dam. Not realizing that the dam was larger than we could see on the surface, we got stuck in the sticks that were only a foot or so beneath the surface of the water. We struggled to get free, and in a moment of triumph the kayak shot out of the sticks and into the swiftly flowing current. Our victory was shart lived for we re-entered the speedy water on an angle. Our kayak immediately capsized, and we found ourselves flowing down the river beside our over-turned kayak. It was actually a lot of fun; however, I had completely forgotten about my fishing rod. Of course, it was long gone, and my spirits sunk even as my precious rod had somewhere in the flowing stream of water. It was a good rod. Nature had hung a licken on us.

It was the worst of weeks. I cooked my bike, lost my fishing rod, and caught a brutal cold on Saturday and had to preach with my brain swimming in mucas. Jeamie said it was okay, but I felt that I had struggled throught the whole thing.

It was the best of weeks. I got to hang out with people, the weather was amazing, I got to go fishing for the first time in years, I was able to enjoy the beautiful weather, and I finally put my ordination behind me. Overall, it was good week. ;)

part deux

2005-06-24T11:04:00.000-06:00

Well, I have received quite a few questions about my priorities post and I feel the need to clarify a few things. I used some words that I see now communicated something different than I intended. One word that I think threw some of you off was "integration" or integrating faith with other areas of life. I have reconsidered my use of words and hopefully my meaning can become more clear. If not, don't feel bad. I often confuse myself with some of my thoughts! I will start by saying I don't think we should integrate our faith with other areas of our lives.

When I was at Bible College & Seminary, one of the things that I did not get was the little prayer meetings we did before games. This happened in both basketball and hockey. I played basketball at CBC and hockey while at CTS. In between CBC and CTS was Mount Royal (basketball as well). When I was at CBC, I just figured this was normal for a "Christian" team to do (have a little prayer meeting), but things changed for me when I played for Mount Royal. Instead of praying before the game to help us be good Christian boys on the court, the boys talked about what girls they had been with, how drunk they were going to get after the weekend games, and what possible girls they were going to score with after the game. I found that trying to pray just before I went on the court was actually quite useless because it wasn't just on the court that I needed God. It was long before I got there that I needed God, not just before the game - so I could consciously integrate my faith with my basketball. It seemed unrealistic to me to ask God to somehow do a miracle before each game in order to make me into someone else (someone more like Jesus) for 40 minutes. It just didn't make sense. My faith needed to be part of my basketball to begin with, not something added when necessity arose.

Playing hockey for CBC while I attended CTS was the worst for this. The guys were convinced that if they were faithful in having a little confession session and a desperate plea for help time before the game, they would be beautiful exmaples of Christ on the ice. Hahaha... ya right. It almost seemed like it made it worse. But, even though everyone was dissapointed after the game about their attitudes, dirty play, bad language or whatever, they were still convinced that if they prayed before the next game, all would go well. To say the least it was quite humourous.

I say all this because I am convinced that trying to "integrate" our faith into other areas of life just emphasizes that our faith is a separate category. You cannot integrate two somethings that are not separate to begin with. That's why I don't think "integrating" your faith into other areas of your life is a beneficial thing because your faith and God remain a separate category... and I don't think they should be.

I think a better discription is that everything else flows out of your relationship with God. If the way I play hockey begins with my connection with God, then it is far more likely that Christ-likeness will be the result. For the guys on the team, it was life change that needed to happen away from the ice so that when they were on the ice, their play flowed from their relationship with God. This, instead of an attempt to make two different worlds collide and not make a bang, seems to make much more sense to me. The same would apply for when we are at work. Our work flows our of our relationship with Christ so that when we work, Jesus is seen by our co-workers not as a side-show, but as part of who we are.

Hopefully this is a little better in trying to understand where I'm coming from; however, I'm not sure if I have been any more clear or not! But I think this is not just about words or wording things differently. I think it's actually seeing your faith and God as they were intended to be - not on a list, but rather the most significant part of every other priority we have.

priorities

2005-06-21T21:00:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a bit about priorities and the question that I keep coming back to is "what does making God number one actually mean?" The more I think about it the more I realize that simply putting God on the top of a list does not cut it... it is meaningless, or at best, simply intellectual ascent with no actual application. So, I started wondering if it even makes sense to put God "first" on a list, when maybe he shouldn't be on the list at all...

What I mean is that God is the list. He completely envelopes every other part of my life. He is not my number one priority; in fact he is not a priority at all, but rather he is an essential part of every priority of my life. You could say he is the priority. Anything less is just not enough.

So, what's the difference? Why is it detrimental to put God on the list (even the top spot)? I think the danger lies in the actual "prioritizing" or "categorizing" of our lives. I think that putting God on a list causes us to view our spiritual life as a separate category of our lives that is simply one of many. I think putting God on a list and making him the most important is not good enough. God is not interested in being "important". He wants more. He wants to be our everything. I think putting God on a list makes us lose sight of the fact that God wants to be present - no, intricately invloved - in all other parts of our lives. I think putting God on a list makes us lose sight of the fact that our faith is to be actively involved in our whole life... And every aspect of our lives are to reflect Christ-likeness whether it be at work, at school, at home, at church, at the movies, on the court, on the ice, on the field, on holidays, with my friends, with my wife, with my family, with my church, with my team, in my mind, in my heart, and in my thoughts. All areas of my life are fueled by my relationship with God and flow out of it. It must be this way or our faith starts disconnecting from the other areas of our life and we end up living separate lives that are not consistent. I believe the term for this is hypocrite.

I think that one of the major problems of Christians today is that our lives are all separated into different and distinct aspects of life that are not integrated with the other parts. We tend to be a certain way at church and a certain way at work; we act or say things at home or at work that we would never act like or say in a church; we watch things in a theater that we would not dream of watching in a church building; and we become a whole new person when we play sports than we are when we are at a church picnic. Can you see what I'm talking about? Why do we do this? I am especially aware of this as people are often very fake around me because I am a pastor. They tend to act very differently when I'm not around then when I am. Somehow I think they are trying to respect me, but in doing so, they disrespect themselves. Why? I think I even act differently when I'm around other pastors! It's silly don't you think?

I think it makes more sense not to make God a category in our lives and not to put him on the priority list. I don't want to be a different person in one place than I am at another. I don't want to separate my faith from any other part of my life. Maybe this is all just wishful thinking. Maybe it's not. Maybe consistency of character is something we should always be striving for even if perfect consistency is unattainable.

the witness

2005-06-20T22:44:00.000-06:00

Today was a beautiful day here in cold lake. The sun was shining and the lake was as smooth as glass for most of the day. I found myself peeking out the windows for a glimpse of the serene scene a short distance from our house. It seemed to draw me back quite often.

I really enjoy living beside the lake and I thank God a lot that he gave us this house. If you want to know how many times I have comented on the incredible beauty of this lake, just ask Jeamie. Every time I see it I say "wow, the lake sure looks nice today, Jeamie". She used to tell me that I had just said that a couple of seconds before and that I say that every day, but now she just stays silent and probably roles her eyes when I'm not looking. That's okay. The lake is not her thing... well, at least the way it is mine!

I went out tonight and grabbed a cup of java from tim's and parked at the beach and watched the sun go down. It was awesome. The amazing colors painted in the skies by Master Painter Himself reflected their briliance on the peaceful and still water of cold lake. I love the lake and I just can't get enough of it.

I wonder if God sometimes just sits there and stops doing whatever he is doing to watch his creation and marvel at how amazing it is. I wonder if he looks at us and enjoys us like I looked at and enjoyed the lake and the sunset. I wonder if sometimes God just smiles and marvels at us and takes in a deep breath of paternal pride. I think he does. I think that like the waters of this great lake, he enjoys watching his beloved creatures. Sometimes the waters are troubled; sometimes there are great waves and stormy seas; and sometimes the water is tranquil and smooth as it was today. But God likes it all. He likes to witness our lives and in the end, a witness to our lives is something that cannot be equalled. Think about it. If there was no witness of our life, no one who knew of our existence, what good would our short time here on earth be? If our lives pass and are but a breath, is not the ultimate compliment to our life a witness? Isn't it this witness that gives us meaning and purpose in life? I think it is, but that's just me.

seeker

2005-06-15T23:06:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking about seeking - as in seeking God. Why is it that a lot of churches call those who are searching for their first experience with God "seekers"? Aren't we all seekers? Isn't being a seeker what this life is all about? If we are not seeking, then what are we doing? Or perhaps a better question, if we are not seeking God, what/who are we seeking? What good is a life just lived if it is lived in vain? If we do not continually seek God, then our lives begin to lack meaning. Perhaps the misconception here that many have bought into is that once God has been found, there is no need to seek. I disagree.

I think that seeking defines our very existence. We seek for love, for happiness, for satisfaction, for pleasure, for wealth, for security, for relationship, for shoes... you get the picture. We never stop seeking. So, how does one replace seeking for a better life as the top priority with seeking for God? And, why would anyone want to do that in the first place? What does God have to offer that the better life does not?

These are tough questions and I don't have good answers... but I'll try. I think the problem with the last question highlights the problem altogether. I think people in our society are so geared toward comsumerism that the first question someone asks him/herself when face with a decision is does it benefit me? Who has the best offer here and what will I get out of it? The tough part is that the world offers a lot of fun stuff that is very attractive. The life offered here seems glamorous and happy, and maybe it is. In fact, I think all humans are drawn to it by it's incredible seductiveness (most things in this world that we desire or seek after have very nice packaging!). Yet perhaps the greatest drawback of all this is that all the things the world can offer never last. I always need more. They always wear out - that's if I don't tire of them first. But then again, there's always more... where does it end? But there is something missing - some basic, yet essential need that is not fulfilled.

In the end, I don't think the world and/or simply seeking for the better life will give me what I really want... a reason for my existence; a meaning for my life; a relationship with my creator; my most basic of needs fulfilled as I continually seek after God. However, I do reallize that it is a tough choice, yet for me, I cannot live without meaning. To me, that is the most essential need and it can only be filled through my relationship with God. My life has meaning, and when it's all over, it will still have meaning. Isn't that awesome? So, I have chosen a path that is less travelled, knowing full well that it is less travelled for a reason, but now that I am on that road and can see the bondage that is wrapped up in nice packaging, I wouldn't trade it for the world... literally!

desperate

2005-06-09T23:36:00.000-06:00

Over the past few weeks I have been mulling over quite a few thoughts, but this one is at the forefront. I have been reading through the Psalms and this underlying theme continually resurfaces time and time again. It seems that the Pslamists had a desperation for the person of God himself that is quite foreign to the average north american christian. It seems that seeking God is the ultimate of actions in this desperate need for God. Here is a Psalm I read the other day. Listen carefully to the desperate language David uses:

Psalm 63
1O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land where there is no water.
2Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
3Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
4So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
5My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
6When I remember You on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
7For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
8My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.

The 2 phrases that stick out the most to me are "my flesh yearns for you" and "your lovingkindness is better than life". When I came to these statements I read them over and over. The NIV translates the first one as "my body longs for you". Now I have heard many times about thirsting or hungering for God and/or his righteousness, but how does one become so desperate for God that even his body longs for God? The only other times we would use this phrase is when a man is in love with a woman or when one's body is addicted to a drug. Maybe, if David was using todays language and metaphors, he would have said "my body longs for you like a cocaine addict longs for a fix".

To say the least, this thought has troubled me a lot lately because I very much want to be desperate for God like David was in the Psalm, but I am no where near the need expressed by him. How does one become that overwhelmed by his need for God? I believe that the true purpose of man is simply to deperately seek God. Everything else flows out from this one all-consuming desire and action. I guess the next question is how does one seek after God?

family day

2005-06-06T23:12:00.000-06:00

Today was a scheduled "family day" for the nichol clan, and I must say the fact that we actually have to schedule a day that our little family can spend all together is rather frightful. I can't image what it will be like when we have kids involved in sports and music and whatever else. If we are having a tough time now, the future is not very bright for family day.

However, today was a good day. Jeamie, Nyah, and myself loaded up the truck early this morning and took off for edmonton. There was nothing really special about going to edmonton, but it seems like the only time we actually have a successful family day is when we all go somewhere far away from Cold Lake. We went to CP and then went and tried out some golf clubs at golf town just for fun. Jeamie has really taken a liking for golf and it was the first time she has been able to hit a ball since a month or so before Nyah was born. We then spent the day in the mall wandering around aimlessly (at least I was). It is quite cruel, actually, to spend the day in a mall when you can't buy anything. Probably like taking a kid into a candy store and telling him to browse for a few hours. But alas, all was not lost as the walk was very good for my growing midsection.

As I was reminiscing on the whole family day thing, I got to thinking about how busy I am and why it is so hard to have a day that belongs solely to ones I love the most. It almost seems wierd that if I truly love the ones I say that I do, then it should be the other way around. What I mean is, it should be my work and other things that I have less time for and not my family. I must say that I am miles above what I was a couple of years ago, but I also must admit I have a long way to go.

I know I am not the only one; in fact, I know very few men who spend a lot of quality time with their families. Why is this? Is it a cultural thing? Is it the "protestant work ethic" gone mad? And why are we always so busy with things that matter less, if they truly are "less"? I hear all about the attack on the family from radio preachers and others, but I think perhaps the greatest attack on the family is coming from ourselves. We simply are too busy to notice our families fall apart, and the worst part is most of us can't figure out how to be less busy... maybe it's because we just don't have enough spare time to think about it!

In order to have a healthy family this must change. If Christians families are going to survive, it's time they started concentrating on the real problem that lies within, before going looking for the other lesser problems that surround us. There is just too much stuff to do these days. I even had to cut back on my youth program a couple of years ago when I realized that if a youth went to everything every week, they would be involved in youth stuff 4 times a week! It seems that even the church is contributing to the break up of the family!

It's time for me to get things in the right perspective in regards to family. How about you? How is your family time these days?

laughter and love

2005-06-02T20:23:00.000-06:00

It's pretty cool how one little girl's laughter can change a guy's outlook on life in an instant. No matter how hard the day has been and no matter how heavy my heart might be, when I hear nyah laugh or see her huge infectuous grin, it's like the outside world fades away, the dark clouds disappear, and a warm bright ray of sunshine beams down in all it's glory on my uplifted face... in the aftermath, all I can think about are happy thoughts. Wow, now it sounds like i'm becoming peter pan... oh well, if i start telling people i can fly, please lock me up.

One of the things that I find I enjoy the most about being a dad is that my daughter's love for me is so complete and unwavering it's hard to really be able to accept it for what it is. It amazes me that she is overwhelmed with excitement when ever she sees me. She reaches out her soft little arms and her big brown eyes are unashamedly filled with the desire to be with dad. It's quite intoxicating. I am already aware that she has me wrapped around her tiny little finger. Yet, even though there is not a more authentic, innocent and pure form of love from another human being, I can't help but wonder what she sees in me that makes her want to be with me so badly. All I can come up with is that she doesn't know any better.

We humans (well myself at least) seem to always evaluate other's love for ourselves by our own sence of self-worth. Those of us who have a low opinion of our self-worth constantly wonder how others can truly love us... especially if they can see past the false image of self-confidence we try to project. Then there's the ones who think they're worth a lot and they think everyone should just love them because, well, they're so worth it! I think both views are wrong and right, which is why it's so hard to understand God's love for us - perhaps even why so many of us struggle with whether God really does love us as much as he says he does.

On the one hand, we are like the dust of the earth and are not worthy of even God's thoughts; consequently, God does what he pleases and people are used for his own purposes in whatever way he deems best. Yet, on the other hand, God placed so much worth on us that he sacrificed his own Son to save us. In the end I must admit that nyah's love for me is not because she doesn't know better, it's because she loves me for who i am. I'm her dad, and she identifies me with someone she loves. I'm am worth more than I could ever image in her eyes.

Sometimes I think we adults really get the short end of the stick when it comes to human love. We are seemingly unable to offer our love so purely and authentically. We are often guilty of loving only when it benefits us to do so. Yet God asks us to love on a whole new level, one that sometimes seems like it doesn't make sense. Statement like: "love your enemies", "do good to those who hate you", "love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength" and "love your neighbor as yourself" seem like impossible requests. How do you actually do that? How do actually love someone you have feelings of hate for (enemy)? How do you love those who persecute and make fun of you? How do you love God with ALL your...everything? How is it possible to love someone else as much as you love yourself?

In the end, one must conclude that the love God asks us to give is really only available through him. I am unable to love God the way wants me to. I am unable to love others the way he wants me too. It is only through Christ's love flowing through me and out of me and the Holy Spirit dwelling within me that I can even begin to follow these seemingly simple commands.

the desert

2005-05-31T09:23:00.000-06:00

A few posts ago I wrote about God being distant from us at times in our lives. This weekend at yc edmonton one of the talks from mike pilavachi included some thoughts about the desert - about the times in our lives when God leads us out into a dry and lonely land. It was very interesting timing because another youth leader and I had been talking about going through the valleys in our spiritual lives and the rollercoaster of a spiritual journey we seem to be on at times. I happened to be sitting beside him and we looked at each other and laughed as it occurred to both of us that the Holy Spirit had led us into the conversation we had had moments before.

Mike Pilavachi had some good words about the desert that got me thinking about my own life. He related the 40 years of Israel's wandering (as punishment) in the desert to the voluntary 40 days of fasting and temptation in the desert that Jesus experienced. His main point was that our spiritual lives are in need of this desert so that we can grow.

This is what came to my mind as I listened. I think that the reason God leads us into the desert every so often, is so that we get thirsty - not just any kind of thirsty, but a desparate and all-consuming thirst for God himself - not his blessings or anything he can give us, but simply him. The problem is that we often fight against this thirst for God (at least I do) and often mistake the thirst for God for a thirst for his blessing(s). Thus, when I come out of the desert, I have grown in my desire to be blessed instead of in my relationship with God, and unfortunately, I miss out on the whole point of the desert experience... to get thirsty for God only.

The other thing that came to my mind is that we don't ever know when the desert experience will end. This unknown can cause a guy a lot of stress, especially if I have misplaced my trust and desires in God blessings rather than in God himself. I find myself thinking about this in regards to my own life (as I believe I am coming out of a desert personally) as well as in my church. It seems that God has led our church into the desert, and although I want to believe that he is now leading us out, I cannot be 100% sure of that. However, what I do know is that our church needs to focus our thirst on God himself and not his blessings - this includes numerical growth, thriving ministries, financial stability, satified members, good health, effective ministry, etc.

The more I think about it the more I am not sure I want God to lead us out of the desert until our thirst becomes an all-consuming thirst for him instead of his blessings. I would love to see God bless our church, but really that is just a bonus for it completely depends on God's will and not on us or our methods of ministry. What I really want is for myself and my fellow followers of Christ to simply get thirsty for God alone. If God chooses to bless us with the other stuff, great! If not, that's great too because our desire must be completely for God, not his blessings. That is why we are here. This is why we exist. We are not here to build the empire of our church, but rather we are here to love God and to love people; to be salt and light to the nations; and to make his name known. The other stuff is completely up to God.

I am tired of misplacing my thirst. I want to thirst after God and his righteousness only, because if I am thirsting after anything else, it is an idol - even the very good things. Are you with me, are you willing to thirst solely after God, or are you content with being stuck in thirsting after his blessings?

yc edmonton

2005-05-30T10:48:00.000-06:00

I just returned from a youth conference that had in attendance 16000 teens and leaders. It was quite a spectacle to say the least; however, it was not a new experience for me. I have gone to this conference every year (except 2001) since it moved to edmonton in 2000. For many of our teens though, it was the first time they have seen that many teenagers together in one place worshipping and praising God in a miriade of different ways. It is quite overwhelming for a teenager from a small place like cold lake to see more teens than the population here all on the same spiritual journey as they are. It certainly gives our teens the assurance that they are not alone in this struggle of faith as it would often seem to them in their schools. This aspect alone is worth the trip.

However, it is not the only benefit of going to this conference. Out of 47 teens and leaders that took the trip with us, there was about 7 or 8 first time decisions for Christ on the first night. They joined a few thousand others who also gave their hearts to Jesus. Six of the teens then went to the "new believers" class that was packed with 1000's of new Christ followers. How awesome is that!?

There are a lot of exciting things that happen in our world, but I must confess that seeing young teenagers give their lives to Jesus is just about the most exciting thing that I have had the priveledge of being a part of. As I looked at the teens who stood up and wanted to make that decision, a flood of love and deep-seated joy filled my heart for these kids. My prayer now is that the decision that was made on the weekend is one that was not out of sheer emotion, but rather a deep conviction from the Holy Spirit to follow Jesus. If you are reading this blog, please send up a prayer to the BIG Guy that these young people would continue to follow Jesus and get very hungry to know him more and more.

sentimental value

2005-05-26T20:07:00.000-06:00

I have had my sunbird for 11 and a half years and it has been a great car. There are almost 250 000 km's on it and pretty much all of them are mine. I have a lot of great memories that invlove my sunbird. It was my first brand new car (maybe the only new car I'll ever have) and I was a very excited 21 year old as I drove my new car off the lot. I had it for my Mount Royal College days and then my seminary days. I went on my first date with Jeamie (who is now my wife) in it, and I had a lot of good chats with bible school buddies about pretty much every subject you can imagine in it. I drove multiple times out to the coast with it taking in all that beauty and granduer as I cruised along. It was our car when Jeamie and I got married and it was Nyah's premier ride when she was born (due to the tinted windows). It was a great car and I was a little sad to see it go. You see, last week I sold my sunbird and said goodbye to a car that I appreciated a lot for it's unexpected longevity and reliablility.

It's funny how it seems that the value of my car actually increased the longer I owned it. Sure, maybe not it's financial value (we all know how poorly american cars hold their financial value) but rather it's sentimental value. If only I could sell it for it's sentimental value... then I could have my cake and eat it too!

Sometimes I think we Christians get attached to things in our faith because of their sentimental value. When we remember experiences and spiritual highs we had in the past (also known as the good 'ol days), we wish that things could happen the same way as they did back then. We start trying to recreate these experiences and end up wondering why things don't happen again like they did before - why God doesn't do the same thing he did. Basically, we try and put the Holy Spirit into a little box and keep trying to convince ourselves that because it happened once, it'll happen again; consequently, our trust shifts from God himself to our human methods or methodology. We become oblivious to where the Spirit wants to lead us and skeptical of anything new or risky that He may be trying to lead us into. I am guilty of this a lot.

I think this type of thinking can be very distructive. I think that constantly looking back in regards to one's faith and relationship with Jesus causes one's forward progress to become slow and cumbersome. Our faith then begins to become stagnant. It causes us to stop taking risks in our faith and makes us suspicious of "unproven" methods (since our faith is in our methods and not in God himself). In the end, I think we miss out on a lot of opportunities that God sends our way because we are unwilling to leave our comfort zone and small minded ideas of the way God works. I hope and pray that I do not fall into this trap, because I, like most other humans, am a creature of habit who likes to know and anticipate what will work and what won't. I have a strong tendancy to want God to recreate events that have already happened instead of anticipating something new. How about you? Maybe it's time for you to let go of your spiritual sunbird and start looking ahead to the new things that God may be bringing your direction. Maybe, like the words of the prophet Habbakkuk, God is about to do a new thing. Are you ready for it?

back to normal

2005-05-25T23:18:00.000-06:00

Well, things are back to normal again. We had a good time in vancouver, and even though it rained the whole time, it was certainly a nice break. It was nice to get together with family for I really enjoy Jeamie's family. I guess I'm lucky that way because you don't hear about how much people love their in-laws very often (and I'm not trying to earn browny point because they don't read my blogs... they don't know what a blog even is). I have been very fortunate to marry into an great family. I also got to know renee's (jeamie's sister) fiancee' (ironically, his name is jamie too!). He is a really good guy and I am glad that I genuinely like him. I am very happy for renee... I think she picked a good one!

Another reason that vancouver was a good break is that it has been a very busy month (as May always is) for everything happens at once, and then suddenly, just like it started, it's over... well, not quite over, I guess it's on to new summer type things... it's just our regular fall/winter/spring programming that takes a break. In the end, May is one of those months that is nice for a Pastor to have behind him.

turbulence

2005-05-19T19:38:00.000-06:00

I smelled it first. It was an acrid smell, and it made me semi aware that I was not completely asleep. I was in that semi-conscious state between being fully awake and fully asleep. Then I felt it, and I immediately and forcefully was jolted from my semi-conscious state to one of full alertness.

I traveled to Vancouver on westjet today to meet my wife, my little girl, and my wife's family. I was very excited, for they have been away from me for the last 8 days. [Have you ever noticed how airports are always so hot? And then once you board the plane, you realize that it was only warm in the airport as you walk into the heatwave also known as "seat 9b" (right in the middle to 2 other guys who were probably thinking the same thing). However, there was one bright moment as the fellow who had the outside seat moved to the center seat. I was supremely thankful for his gracious sacrifice.]

Anyway, back to the story. I think it was just before we started our descent into Vancouver as I was in a blissful state of sleep that the plane hit some turbulence. It was strange because when I opened my eyes, I was sure I saw smoke, and I could have sworn I smelled it before I woke. No one else seemed to be aware of it, but they were probably more concerned with the violent shaking we were experiencing. It was by far the most violent turbulence that I have ever been through.

This is what went through my mind. "Is this it?", I wondered. "God, is this my time?" And then I thought to myself, "what should I say to God? Well Lord, if it is, please take care of my wife and little girl." I could not believe how calm I was. And then, just as I was wondering if maybe it was time for me to go home, we were free and clear and the jet engines returned to there normal hum and the plane it's soothing descent.

I could not help but analyze my reaction after it was all said and done, and I was somewhat surprised that I had not been scared of dying at all, but rather my concern was for those I was leaving behind. Going home to see Jesus was simply too exciting of a prospect to get too concerned about what happened here on earth.

The Bible tells us that those who are God's children are aliens on this planet, and that our true citizenship and home are in heaven. I think this was the first time that I truly saw I was not a citizen of this world. As I mulled this over, it occured to me that I belonged to a alien race of people who are on loan to the citizens of the world. The question that immediately arose in my mind was "what are we on loan for?"

The answer, of course, is that we are on loan to be God's shining light in the darkness and lostness of this world and to make his name known to those who do not know him. I really had to consider what my own impact to the citizens of the world has been and whether or not I have let the light of Jesus Christ shine through me brightly enough for those with whom I come in contact with to see it. Have I let the light inside me shine bright enough to draw people toward the Light? Have I forgotten that I am only on loan to this world and that God may call me home at any time to be with him? Am I living like I belong to this world or God's world? How about you?

fire!

2005-05-18T14:46:00.000-06:00

Yesterday the old curling rink here in Cold Lake burned to the ground. I heard the sirens wailing and wondered where the fire was this time. A few minutes later the phone rang and an excited girl from our church said "you've got to come down here quick, the old curling rink is on fire and the flames are huge!" How could I resist? I went down to the scene of the blaze, and found the sentiments expressed on the phone by the excited caller to be true indeed. The fire was quite spectacular. I could feel the heat from a long ways away.

Fortunately, the old curling rink had been completely emptied of anything valuable and the gas had been already shut off before the blaze; infact, the rink was scheduled to be demolished soon. This made me wonder why the fire fighters made such a show of trying to put it out because there were no other buildings around it. I figured it would be less work to just let it burn to the ground. That way the clean up would be ashes only. But what do I know about fire fighting? Not much.

The Bible talks about the Holy Spirit as being a consuming fire. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if we allowed the Holy Spirit to blaze as strongly in our hearts as the flames did in the old rink. Can you imagine what would happen in our community, our province, our country? I think it would be indescribeable. The problem is that most Christians are content to just have a small manageable flame in their hearts. One that doesn't ever put them out of their comfort zone and one that doesn't spur them on to anything they don't have control over or anything that they are unfamiliar with. A flame that doesn't interfere with the rest of their lives.

Paul once said to Timothy "fan into the flame the gift of God which is in you...". This is how we are to view the Holy Spirit who lives within us. We need to desire the flame in our hearts to be brighter and stronger and live in such a way that it fans the flames to greater heights rather than trying our best to keep the flame as manageable as possible and living an ineffective and powerless life. Let's turn it around today. Let's fan into flame the gift that God has given us. Let's give God full reign and complete control in our hearts so that the Holy Spirit is an inferno raging within us!

where's God?

2005-05-17T11:26:00.000-06:00

This year has been a very tough year for me. I have gone through a whole lot that most people are not aware of. God has really stretched me. At times God was very near and very obviously at my side. At other times it seemed as though God was looking the other way when some really hard stuff happened. And at other times, it just seemed like God was no where to be found. It made me wonder where God has been through all of this.

I have often heard it said that the reason God seems distant at diffrent periods in our lives is because we run away from him. I agree. Sometimes we do run away from him; however, I think this is only one half of the equation, and this is the reason I wanted to post these thoughts. There have been times in my life where God seemed to disappear even though I was seeking him and crying out for his fellowship.

One such time was the year after I graduated from Seminary. I decided to take a job working in a grass seed mill, while I pursued a position in full-time ministry. Basically, that year was a full year of hell. I went through the worst time in my life and all the while was trying to grow in my walk with Christ. It seemed like my best efforts to seek God were completely futile. My prayers seemed to just bounce off the ceiling. My cries for help went unanswered. I truly felt, like the Psalmist in Psalm 88, that "darkness was my closest friend" and that God had somehow forgotten about me .

Fortunately, I knew in my heart that he had not left me, nor would he ever (this knowledge kept me from going crazy!), but this did not help the fact that I couldn't find him. Near the end of this terrible period (it was not just my spiritual life that was going through a rough spot, it was every part of my life) I was sitting in church when the Pastor started talking about times of trials and testing. His message seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks because in his sermon he specifically warned those who were desiring to go into full-time ministry that they would experience major hardships before entering (or during) ministry. He stated that this time of trial was God preparing you for his work. A time of refining.

Refining always hurts. It was a month or two later when things finally started looking up, and during that time, I had grown more in my faith than at any other time in my life. I got a job in a great church, I got married, and God seemed to flood back into my life. Had I not gone through this time of trial, I definitely would not have been prepared to enter full-time ministry... it was hard enough as it was!

The reason I wanted to post this is to encourage those of who are going through some rough times right now. Why does God seem distant sometimes? Well, sometimes He just wants to be able to draw nearer to us. Often that means some painful changes in our lives. Take courage. Hold on to his promise that he will never leave you nor forsake you. But in the meantime, rest assured that your life is in the hands of a completely dependable, faithful and loving God.

dependence

2005-05-16T11:24:00.000-06:00

I think it's a good thing to learn dependence. Our culture is very big on promoting independence and being able to be "free" from needing other people (I can do it myself). Christians, even more so. We think that being strong means that we can do it ourselves - that if we have enough will power, we are strong. Where did this misconception of strength originate? Perhaps it's something that we are born with.

My little girl is just starting to want to do some things herself. She is only 9 months and already she does not want anyone to help her drink her bottle; in fact, she throws a mini tantrum and pushes the bottle away if either Jeamie or I try to help her. I also remember wanting to do stuff by myself when I was a little guy. I wanted to be like a big person. I wanted to be able to do stuff myself, without help from anyone.

I really think our desire to be independent hinders our relationship with God. We slip into the trap of thinking we can live the Christian life ourselves without help from other people. Without help from God. And somewhere along that train of thought we think that if we want to be strong and not fall, then our strength must come from within - will power. Thus, needing help is only a sign of weakness. But this is exactly opposite to what God has asked of us. He wants us to be totally dependent on him. He wants us to admit our weakness and rely fully on him for everything. He wants us to come to the point where we are ready to ask him for help; the point in which we come to the realization that we cannot possibly live the Christian life on our own; the point in which God can finally start working in us and through us to accomplish his good purposes.

Why do we fight this tooth and nail? Why we do not fall on our faces and aknowledge our desparate need for God's help? Why do we keep our hurts and our struggles hidden from each other? I really don't know. All I can say is that it seems it's because we believe the lie that independence, autonomy, and will power are signs of strength when really they are the very things that make us weak and ineffective.

the family guy

2005-05-15T23:59:00.000-06:00

Four years ago I wouldn't have thought it possible; in fact, even now my wife has a hard time believing it. I am not enjoying my time alone. I have always valued my autonomy very highly. When I was single, I enjoyed being single and was not looking to lose my singleness. I was the most content when I got decide what I wanted to do and when. I am and always have been a very independent person.

I am not that person anymore. My wife said her and Nyah's absence would be a nice little break for me, but how can it be a break when the best part of my day and the people I like to be with the most are not there? It's wierd. I never thought I would become as dependant on them as I am. I really miss them.

This is probably a good thing. One of the hardest things I had to work through when I got married was actually coming home - something which I was not accustomed to (see previous post). I guess I have finally made that transition and I like it... I have finally become the family guy (no, not the family guy on tv)!

the bachelor

2005-05-14T07:33:00.000-06:00

I had forgotten what it's like coming home to any empty house until now. Jeamie and Nyah have left me for 2 weeks to visit grandma and grandpa Kwan. The house sure seems empty. Oh course, Pierre (my elongated weiner dog) is there and is extremely happy to see me every time I come home. But I remember now - why, when I was single, I was almost never at home. It's lonely there. I used to do something almost every night and the only reason to go home was because that's where my bed was. Otherwise there was not a whole lot of incentive to go home.

I am an extravert; consequently, one of my "needs" is that I crave the close proximity of other human beings. I'm not much of a loner and rarely do I enjoy time by myself... unless I'm driving... I enjoy that alone (especially on my motorbike). But the rest of the time I love to be with people.

Sometimes I think God is the ultimate extravert. He craves human contact and fellowship. Not in a needy sort of way, but rather, because of an incredible love for his most prized creation. God desires contact with us. He doesn't want to be alone, otherwise he wouldn't have created creatures who could love him back. Isn't that awesome? God truly is excited to spend time with us. The question we must ask oursleves is, do we feel the same way about him?

ordination

2005-05-13T16:05:00.000-06:00

I guess I should say something about my ordination. This past wednesday I was ordained by the C&MA after a long 3 year process of reading books, writing papers, preaching sermons, and a bunch of other requirements. It all came to an end as I sat before the ordination council and they grilled me with questions about my personal life, my Bible knowledge, my theology, and my ministry for an hour and a half. To say the least, I was pretty freaked out going into the interview. I think it was the fear of the unknown that really got to me (see previous post the unknown). However, to my surprise, once the questions started, I was no longer nervous and it was as if God was in the room smiling as he wispered the answers in my ear. It almost felt like I was cheating. It was a pretty neat experience -- I didn't know that God was into helping people cheat on tests! hahaha...

It seems my fears were fueled by the unknown - the fact that I had no control over the outcome. I have a very active and vivid imagination and my mind went from stunning defeat to brilliant victory and back again to being labeled a heretic, but all ended up somehow adding to my fears. It sounds so silly now, as I actually did very well, but at the time I was quite worried. I wondered if maybe God was planning to humble me by allowing me to fail. It's interesting because I was not afraid to fail, rather I was most afraid that I could not control the outcome.

I think this is one of the same problems I have with God. I am always wanting to know what's going on so that I can trust him to lead me where ever he wants me to go. But that's not how God works. He simply asks us to follow him and trust him. He isn't required to let us in all the details, and in my experience, it's almost never that I get the details before he asks for my trust. So, why is it that I continue to worry? Why, since I know that God's hand is on my life, do I still worry about controling my own destiny?

I think this struggle is an essetial part to our maturity and growth as believers. We need to struggle to trust him and we need to struggle to let go of the need to control our lives. It makes us stronger; it makes us trust him more; and it helps mold us into the people God wants us to be. I believe that it is simply part of the journey we must face as we attempt to deny ourselves daily and follow our Lord.

insecurity

2005-05-12T10:18:00.000-06:00

What's up with North Americans these days? I think we are the most insecure people there has ever been in the history of this rock we call earth. Where does this insecurity come from? Why are we drawn so easily into the snare of insecurity?

Perhaps it has something to do with "the American/Canadian dream" that our 2 countries were built on and still thrive on today. Perhaps it is the glaring weekness of a capitalist mentality, for it is centered on the goal of achieving a better, more comfortable, higher standard of living by the building one's own individual empire . Aquiring the better life is the very foundation that our society is based on. The problem is that there are no guarantees that one's empire will last. In fact, there is a very real chance that it will all come crashing down right on your head. No wonder we are so insecure, the foundation we have built our lives upon is as fragile as a match stick. We cannot control our health, accidents, unforseen pitfalls, other people's choices, etc. The result is that we are always worried that our empire is going to crumble because deep down inside we know how fragile it is.

I think this mentality has invaded Christian life in North America big time. It seems that many of our doctrines reflect this insecurity - the fear of one's glass house of faith being shattered. We even have created a doctrine of eternal security! Wow. How insecure of us. Perhaps we should take a look at our insecurity, and instead of creating doctrine that can help us feel safer, we should start by rebuilding our faith on the Rock rather than using the Rock to help us get a better life. It's no wonder we're so insecure when it comes to our faith... me included!

I think there are 4 reasons why Christians wrestle with insecurity in their faith (there are probably more, but I am limited to one single brain that may or may not be firing on all cylinders):

We are asking the wrong questions about our faith in an attempt to define the lines that we can or cannot cross. We want boundaries so we know how close we can get to the edge (it always seems to be the edge furthest away from God) without going over.
We have been deceived. Many Christians are in an identity crisis because they have believed the lies that satan has been pumping at them through our culture about who they are instead of believing what the Bible says about who we are. If Christians could just embrace who they are in Christ (revealed to us in Scripture) insecurity would have a must tougher time invading a person's faith.
The goal is the better life instead of following Christ. We are only willing to follow Jesus if the result is a better life now. We use God instead of letting him use us. The result is that we build our house on the sand instead of on the rock. When the storms comes, the house on the sand will fall. It's no wonder we're insecure!
We are still trying to earn our way to heaven (this is probably linked to #2). We are stuck on evaluating our relationship with God by our performance. The end result is that our faith becomes insecure because we can never perform well enough to feel that we deserve our salvation. The fact is We don't deserve it and we certainly cannot live the Christian life by our own efforts. That's why Christ is the only way to heaven and the only one whom can get us there.

So I guess that's my little rant. I don't know if I'm simply off my rocker, but I do know that I want very badly for Christians to shed their insecurities about their faith.

the unknown... yikes!

2005-05-11T10:01:00.000-06:00

I am often amazed by the reasons people do what they do. For instance, what does the decision by Canadians to re-elect a very obviously crooked government right in the middle of a major scandal say about Canadians? What are the reasons people vote the way they do? It's strange (being an Albertan), but I kinda like Paul Martin. He is a smooth talker and a good sort of icon (I am referring completely to my own shallow sense of image) to lead the country. Perhaps the only reason I say this is because I was so embarrassed that Jean C was our country's representative that any slick dude who wasn't Jean would be great!

But why would people vote for someone who was stealing from them? Most people that I know get really ticked when their stuff gets ripped off. "If only I could have caught the little jerk, I woulda pulled out my bat and...". I don't care how "nice" Martin and company may look to the observer, his people were stealing money from the very people who voted them back into power. I found this to be very puzzling. I could just make blanket statements like easterners are blind or crazy or even stupid, but that would just be a big fat generalization and completely untrue. What would make anyone think someone else was stupider than them because they voted for a different party? Kinda silly.

Then it hit me. I think the reason Canadians voted for the Liberal party was that they were less afraid of what they knew forsure (the liberals - including their thievery) than they were of the unknown (Stephen Harper and the conservatives). The liberals are very smart. They played the best card in the deck... hidden agenda. Oooou, very frightning! They played on the fears of Canadians, perhaps one of the greatest fears known to man... the fear of the unknown.

This got me thinking. Is this how we humans view God? I mean to so many people (maybe all of us) God is really the ultimate of unknowns. We would rather hold on to what we know even though it can be harmful, painful, addicting, hateful, depressing, meaningless, worryful (hmmm. is that a word?), stressful, violent, empty, or whatever simply because it's what we know. God is not; therefore, the fear of the unknown rules, and God is pushed aside for other lesser things in life.

I was like this myself (still am) - holding on to things that were harmful to me or were holding me back simply because they were close and I knew them well. I didn't know what God wanted from me... I guess sometimes I still don't. It's hard to trust when it's unknown, when it's simply faith in a God that cannot be seen or touched or smelled that leads us to trust his will for us. No wonder God is rejected for lesser things in life. We know them, and although we also know that they destroy us, we choose them anyway because for some strange reason the unknown scares the crap out of us. Yet, there is no better place to be than close to the Great Unknown and as long as I always come back to him and let go of the things I know that push me away from him, I'll be exactly where I really want to be.

why 5 cents?

2005-05-10T13:38:00.000-06:00

I thought that I had better explain the reason I named my blog "my 5 cents" as I have already encountered the question "why 5 cents?" There are 2 reasons I decided to name this blog as I did:
1. My last name is Nichol, so it makes perfect cents that my blog reflects my name.
2. 2 cents is not worth anything any more because of inflation.

So there you have it. That is why I named the blog as I did. I'm sure nobody really cares, but I thought I would make it clear in case somebody actually stumbles on to my blog.

blogging

2005-05-09T12:28:00.000-06:00

I finally gave in. I have been resisting blogging now for close to 2 years, but, as you can see, I have caved. However, I am not too concerned about it because with my lack of discipline in these areas I am sure that this will not last for that long. Kinda like my journalling. I began journalling a while back and I lasted a month. That was about 5 or 6 months back and I have just now remembered it. But on the other hand, I have been accused of having trouble keeping my mouth shut as it always seems I have something to say about pretty much everything. I guess I would have to agree with that. I was the kid in school who never shut up. I even got "the strap" in grade 7 because I wouldn't (maybe couldn't?) keep my mouth shut in my social studies class. After months of frustration, my teacher got his revenge as the Principal marched me down to the office after seeing me in the hall yet again. It had become a ritual. "What are you doing in the hall today?" "Um, talking." I would say. I guess he decided that our little chats were not the best part of his morning for after a couple of months, he decided that I had one last chance for him to stop seeing me. Man, talk about rejection! Here I thought our friendship was doing just fine. Oh well, I guess I did not learn my lesson for my continuous blather is alive and kicking. Kinda like I'm doing right now...

2005-05-09T12:16:00.000-06:00

That's me... on the left...